Short Cuts

• Swine flu! Swine flu swine flu, swine flu. Swine... flu? Swine flu: porcine influenza.
  
  
• I am 10 movies away from having 1200 on the list. Will I be able to knock them all out in California? It's a race to the finish!
  
  
• Hitman, yo. Let's see if I can place it in a line-up of similar action movies. It would go something like:
  Live Free or Die Hard > Brotherhood of the Wolf > Deathrace > Hitman | Doomsday > Wanted > Max Payne
  
  
• Yes, Hitman and Doomsday are about the same. Die Hard is like an 8 on the trashy action movie scale, but like a 5 on the "movies in general" value continuum. So you can evaluate from there.*
  
  
• I've been at my job for 2 years today. Happy anniversary to me!
  
  
• Maude died. That's too bad. Bea Arthur was a pretty awesome chick. You know she could kick YOUR ass, dude.
  
  
• Network TV season is winding down. Looking forward to season finales of: The Office, 30 Rock, LOST. Will probably watch the finale of Heroes (tonight) but hate myself for doing so. What will happen on Biggest Loser?
  

*this sentence mysteriously disappeared when I posted the first time. What's up, Internet mafia? WHY YOU STIFLING MY RATINGS.

Notes

Whenever people are arguing politics, someone inevitably attempts to argue that a policy or action is okay by noting how "up-in-arms" the other side would be if the roles were reversed.

That is, the argument is not that Policy A is okay, it's that it's "not as bad as when the other side did Policy Z!"

This is dumb. It goes for all ideologies and parties--unless you have a direct 1:1 correspondence in policy, it's a stupid argument to make. It rarely has something to do with the policy, and is really just an ad hominem attack, without a specific... um, hominem.

You CAN make this argument where people are being hypocrites. Flip-flopping on issues and such is a perfectly acceptable target for criticism. But the less similar the situation--and as they become dissimilar, the drop-off is quick--the lamer your argument becomes.

(This is a vague response to the story that Sen. Judd Gregg, Republican, wants a GOP to replace him if he takes the job of Commerce Secretary in Obama's administration; I am not against him, or his demand/request, but I see Democrats saying "He's not allowed to make this demand! Can you imagine how Republicans would howl if a Dem made this demand?!"

Short answer: yes, I can imagine it. I can imagine a unicorn-powered spaceship too, but that's not really the point is it?)

.....

Chicago is a great city. A cold city, to be sure, but a pretty great town overall. I will go back.

.....

People at the Denver International Airport are not fans of the Steelers. I'm not sure they're fans of the Cardinals, but they were super jazzed when Arizona pulled ahead. And super depressed when the Steelers pulled out a win. That was a helluva 4th quarter, man. I'm glad my layover allowed me to see it.

.....

Today UPS delivered a package that was literally mailed LAST YEAR. Good work UPS. Way to keep up the quality of service in these demanding economic times.

Alright Listen Up You Primitive Screwheads

Everybody loves Army of Darkness! Howzabout some bits:

• I watched Rambo this weekend, and started Season 3 of The Wire. I am particularly numb to people being shot as a result, because damn if it doesn't seem to happen all the time, especially if you live in Burma or Baltimore. Rambo was just barely watchable. Skip it.
  
  
• If you didn't vote for Gore in 2000 and Kerry in 2004, I think you should pretty much SFTU when it comes to intra-party Democratic debates. If you're not going to vote Democrat, why should anybody give two shits if you think Obama isn't as experienced as Clinton? Nobody asks me whether Romney should have taken the nomination, and for good reason: my answer would be self-serving and would not come from a desire to see the Republicans succeed. So shut it.
  
  
• Hey! I'm going to be back in Northern Virginia next week! It's been 8 months since I've been to the area (but not the east coast, if Tampa FL counts), so I expect you are all in flying cars and using food replicators and whatnot.
  
  
• The Olympics are over. I was more interested this year than possibly ever before. That is not saying much (previous interest level: zero) but kudos to Beijing for some impressive pageantry and dissident head-bashing. You know what would make the Olympics suck less? No time delay, and no NBC leaden-sob-story stupidity. Maybe London will fix some of those problems in 2012.
  
  
• One of the upsides of the Olympics is that I get to completely forget that football season--college and pro--is less than a few weeks away. I mean, I like football, but I am so very disappointed by my choice of teams (both college and pro) that I don't really need the aggravation. Still, the promise of a clean slate and a new season are hard to resist.
  
  
• But the Tigers are dead to me.

Bits and Funny.

Big congratulations to my sister. She knows why.

I'm a bit disappointed that Obama disagrees with the Supreme Court's ruling on the death penalty for child rapists. Obviously I am against rape, but from a legal perspective, the Court is right: it's complete hogwash to elevate a non-murder crime to that level. If somebody raped my child, I'd just kill him. No need to make it a sentencing possibility.

I am "building a house" tomorrow for Habitat. Except, word is we're just putting in the flooring and painting. So really, I'm not doing all that much. Last year, one of the houses we helped build burned down, so I'm hoping some of our attorneys won't be allowed near the wiring jobs this time around.

I don't have much to say on this whole gun-control ruling. It is legally unsound because it completely misinterprets the controlling case--Miller--on this issue. But that's what happens when you let politics override your better judgment.

Half of 2008 is nearly over! How did that happen? July should prove to be exciting and fun.

I saw Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story finally, and it was better than I was expecting. Note to those idiots who make utter crap like "Disaster Movie" and "Date Movie" -- that is how you do satire and parody. I also saw Shoot 'em Up which was entertaining but pretty pointless. Clive Owen would probably make a high school production of "Waiting for Godot" entertaining, though.

For some reason (possibly the above movie-watching) I dreamt that Jenna Fischer worked in my office, and that we were secretly dating. It was awesome, and for like 5 minutes after waking up this morning I was trying to figure out how to move to L.A. and make it happen. Then I got a restraining order against myself.

Finally, this is funny:

From Hey Okay

More Fragments

or, "I Can't Be Expected to Formulate Entire Blog Posts!"

Plenty to discuss, but not time in which to do it! So let's hit up the highlights, shall we?

• I'm still unconvinced that Hillary is the best candidate. Much is being said about deep-seated sexism, or the fragility of feminism when it is forced up against the real prospect of a powerful woman in power. However, I don't really care about that--longtime readers may recall that I've never really been an HRC fan (see, e.g., this post). But my disagreement with her politics is hard to focus when so much of the discussion centers on gender.
  
  Bill is going a bit nuts these days too. If they're not careful, the Clintons are going to self-destruct themselves right out of this race. I'm still leaning towards Obama.
  
  
• I saw Cloverfield. I am aware that there are wildly varying opinions on this movie, so here is mine: I liked it. If you can get past the indestructible-camcorder gimmick, it's a pretty good take on the monster-movie genre. People are complaining about the aforementioned "shaky-cam" as just a gimmick, but it really is central to the plot. And I was happy to see that they didn't just use the camcorder aspect as an excuse to not show anything interesting (ala Blair Witch). People who compare the two movies are really missing the point--aside from the medium, they aren't alike at all.
  
  Another criticism is that good-looking hipsters who populate the cast are idiots. This is true, but it is also true that most good-looking hipsters (cinematic or real) are idiots. I found most of their actions quite reasonable. And I enjoyed the extended backstory (the first half-hour), because it made the rest of the movie far more believable. Even if they are borderline retarded in their decision-making.
  
  I thought it was entertaining and (if you aren't prone to nausea) worth seeing.
  
  
• It's still raining here in Oakland/Bay Area/Northern California. What the hell, man? It's also bitingly cold. Good reason to stay in and work on my Call of Duty 4 skills, I suppose. The Playstation controller is still kicking my ass pretty handily.
  

Confessional

I don't play WOW anymore. At least, I haven't this year. I will probably turn off my subscription this month and maybe when the next expansion pops out, I'll turn it back on. I'm just too busy, and I don't need an online life that badly.

The comments posted to articles on the AV Club are often laugh-out-loud funny, but only if you can get obscure Simpsons in-jokes. And of course you can!

The articles themselves are pretty great too.

I think I support Barack Obama. But I am still not sure. I am not an undecided voter, though, because I am not retarded*. Saying you're undecided during the primaries is totally hip. It's with it.

*I apologize. Retarded people are a lot more aware of politics than idiot midwestern soccer moms who don't know if Bush is better than Kerry.

I miss TV shows that don't suck. I caught 40 seconds of American Idol last night and I wanted to blow my brains out. So I blew out the brains of many, many digital soldiers in Call of Duty 4 instead.

I am working like a fiend this week. It's too bad my hours aren't billable by the firm right now. Hooray for contingency fees! Or boo! Depending on your viewpoint.

Some of my New Year's Resolutions (I hate having them, and they aren't really, but I decided to make some changed in '08 so I have to accept that I have resolutions) have yet to fall by the wayside. This includes working out, because I am a big fat dynamo right now. Big and fat, anyway.

I went to Orange County for work on Monday and upon return I immediately missed the warm southern California air. I did not miss the trashy southern California women. But it only got up to 55 or something yesterday. In California. Come on!

I Did Not Die in 2007

I just got busy. My apologies to lo those many teeming masses that wait patiently for an update--although most of the teeming are people I actually saw over the holidays and thus, I do not think they care. I will have more "year end" updates in the coming days/weeks (because who hasn't gotten enough "____ of 2007!" yet!).

First of, the big news: JetBlue is a pain in the ass. Two and a half hour delays for both flights (back east and back west), although the second one was customer-caused. Still, it did not sell me on JetBlue.

I suppose there is bigger news: I finally played Guitar Hero. I am late to this particular cultural phenomenon, but I now see why everyone loves it. All the fun and difficulty of guitar-playing, with none of the annoying side-effects (the ability to play an instrument).

And finally: Yeah okay, I turned 30. Big whoop. Thanks to all those who remembered and laughed at my new-found codger status. It was fun to come back to work where I am one of the 5 youngest people, instead of hanging with you idiots where I am Father Time or something.

In all seriousness it was actually a really good birthday. The day itself was uneventful, but everyone back east, back west, and in the middle (Kansas! Michigan!) made it one of the most successful birthdays ever. Granted, my bar is set low, but ya'll cleared it easily. Official Thanks from the 2008 Model Sam!

Oh and I bought a Playstation 3. Happy birthday to ME, indeed.

Fast Break!

I saw Harry Potter Number 5 on Saturday. I also bought a couch. They were both darker than I expected. I was happy to see that the director toned down the angsty teenageness of Harry from the book. It's the last Harry Potter book I've read (two behind!) and the reason was that Harry was so bloody annoying. "Boo hoo, nobody likes me, even my friends." What a pain in the ass.

Those Cingular commercials, where the people get dropped calls right before a big revelation or response? Those are funny. What's really funny is that I have Cingular, and while it's true they don't drop calls much, I have a helluva time even making a call at least 40% of the time. So there's a fun twist.

I had to select a primary care physician for my health insurance here at work. I have no idea how to do that, so I just picked one with a good doctor-sounding name: "Birnbaum". I will probably go in for a physical at some point, since it has been 5+ years since my last. Strong like bull!

Everybody is popping out kids and getting married! You know who you are. Congrats to all on the impending nuptials/squalling infants. I am not doing either at this time and that is fine by me. It was hard enough to pick out a damn couch.

I have not seen The Simpsons movie yet. This pains me. But I did check the total scores from my Movie List today and it turns out I've seen 70 movies from 2005. I attribute this largely to my severe unemployment during 2006, which allowed a great deal of Netflixing to occur. My list may be faltering because it indicates only 17 movies in '07, and I think that 7 months in (the sevens are starting to freak me out...) that is on the low side.

I haven't read a really great book in awhile. Nothing worth mentioning. I will dig some out from the books my mom gave us while in Michigan and see if something interesting appears.

Bite Size Blog Bits

So far, the Tigers have failed to suck completely this year, tentatively proving that last season wasn't just some wonderful fever dream I experienced. They're not awesome, but a solid 11-8, with a number of losses coming in extra innings. Way to gut it out Tigers! But you closers need to see me after class.
UPDATE: Goddamn it, you are so getting detention, Jones. 11-9.

Friends (Fried Chicken Head over there) visited last weekend, and I'm happy to report that despite some extremely sore muscles (who knew Muir woods was so big, especially if you ignore signs and go the wrong way and don't wear proper footwear?) a good time was had by all. That is in large part an assumption by me, but as there was little scowling, I am happy to make it.

Golden Gate Park is just hilarious. Of course I've been there a number of times now, but on Sunday there was a free concert. Normally the label "free" is more than enough reason to get San Fran's local hippies in attendance, but this concert had the added bonus of a former Grateful Dead-er (I'm told) and a guy with the last name "Marley". This deadly combination lured in every star child, burnout, reggae fan, and otherwise granola individual in, I'm certain, a 200-mile radius.

Grindhouse was long but pretty damn entertaining. I have not been to the movies since I saw it, however, which is a long time for me.

Having a full-time (for all intents and purposes) puts a real strain on my leisure time. An hour-long commute each way isn't convenient either, but I'd be lying if I said it was as bad as it sounds. I like reading the paper in the morning, and doing the crossword (M-W with ease; Thurs-Fri crosswords seem to increase in difficulty by an order of magnitude) in the evening.

Warcraft is what suffers, ultimately. It's not going to be work (I don't yet have the job, and frankly I like what I'm doing at the moment) or the girlfriend (for obvious reasons) or Lost (man has it gotten better this last month). Since it's a video game, I'm not too concerned.

Seriously though, how good IS Lost these days? I don't mind the filler episodes (i.e. Hurley's magic bus, Sawyer trying to turn good) but they've been making some leaps and bounds as far as plot advancement. I expect it will all die down in May with an incomprehensible season finale.

This kid? Totally me, except for the ability to dissect things with skill. I lacked that. Otherwise it's a pretty dead-on portrayal of my 7th grade experience.

That was too many bullets. Consider my chamber emptied! That was not supposed to sound as uncomfortably gross as it now appears.