If My Life Were a Movie, It Would Be an Alan Smithee Film

Saw this at BU's, and figured why not; I like thinking of my life as a soundtrack. It's the same theory as the 20 first-lines (sister just did it here) but with an associated purpose. Some pretty funny results, but no real evidence that iTunes knows what the hell it's talking about.

Opening Credits--One of These Things First - Nick Drake
I'm fairly neutral on this one. Minus points for already being in a major motion picture soundtrack.

Waking Up--Wild Thing - Tone Loc
Actually it was a clip from the Simpsons. But I discounted that for artistic integrity reasons. This one is much cooler, and much cooler than I generally feel when waking up.

First Day of School--Out of Town - Zero 7
Sort of 70s detective show-ish. Strange first day, man.

Prom--Connection - Elastica
Well, this might actually have been played at my Prom, so it's not a bad pick.

Life's Okay--Mission: Impossible Theme (1996 version)
Life is not, apparently, very okay. Mission: Impossible? That's a depressing thought.

Driving--I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick
Can't see this one very well. Came in just slightly too soon...

Falling in Love--Free Until They Cut Me Down - Iron & Wine
Also doesn't quite fit, as it isn't sappy enough. Stupid iTunes knows I have better for this category.

Breaking Up--The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly - Theme
Wow. I can't blame her for breaking up with me, what with the tense stand-off and ensuing gun battle. This is probably the best song so far.

Mental Breakdown--November Rain - Guns 'n Roses
From what I remember from the video, this would be better for the Wedding, but only if I want her to get hit by lightning or something. Still, not bad for a reality-detachment montage. At nearly 9 minutes long, my mental is really getting a good breakdown. "Everybody needs some time on their own."

Reconciliation--Runaround Sue - Dion
I don't want to reconciliate with runaround Sue, thanks very much. Whore.

Wedding--Unforgettable - Nat & Natalie Cole
Egads. Amazing pick, I guess, but iTunes sure isn't very original. Every damn wedding in the early 90s played this.

Sex Scene--Magic Man - Heart
Hmmm. Makes me feel like a pederast. At least it wasn't "Magic Carpet Ride".

Birth of Child--No One Knows - Queens of the Stone Age
Sounds like a rough birth. Sorry, dear.

Dance Sequence--Transformers: The Movie - Main Theme
This is not the song from the television show, but rather the completely deranged rock-out song, complete with wailing guitars, that started the movie. It does have a beat, though. Extra points for managing to sneak in the words "Unicron" and "Decepticons" despite the intensely silly result. Seriously, if you haven't had the auditory pleasure of experiencing this song, let me know and I'll send it to you.

Flashback--Nights in White Satin - The Moody Blues
I'm gonna pretend it's not the extended version, just because the creepy monologue messes it up completely. The song itself works ("letters I've written, never meaning to send" etc.) Incidentally, this was my favorite song at some point in my youth. Not something by Bette Midler, as some would have you believe.

Final Battle--Whatcha Want - Beastie Boys
I'm seeing some sort of police raid gone bad. But that's just me.

Death Scene--Airwolf - Main Theme
Now this is just weird. Somehow I always suspected my death would involve Jan Michael-Vincent. I'm probably not alone on that.

Funeral Song--Short Skirt, Long Jacket - Cake
A little late for establishing dating priorities, isn't it? If any of my potential female funeral attendees would do me the honor of attending in a short skirt (long jacket optional), I'm sure I could put in a word for you with the big man upstairs. That is, if I'm upstairs.

Closing Credits--Only Fools Rush In - Elvis Presley
iTunes would have you believe there will be a great deal of second-guessing and whatnot when I shuffle off this mortal coil. Although, "only fools rush in" will probably turn out to be a great explanation of my inevitable ending.

This is actually my second attempt. The first run-through was nonsensical and pretty dumb (aside from putting You're My First, My Last, My Everything by Barry White as the Prom theme; if only my actual Prom had been that awesome) so I tossed it and tried again. This is still nonsensical, but in much funnier ways.