Blah blah "I Am Legend" blah "scary movie instincts". Blah. Time for some good old-fashioned meme porn.
1. Do you ever bite your lip?
Yes? I don't notice.
2. Do you have pictures on your walls?
Not in my office. And... not at home. Yet. I'm lazy.
3. Have you ever seen anyone picking their nose?
Of course. Children do it without a care in the world.
4. Do you like country music?
Nope. Except the soulful ballads by countryish singers. Is Kim Richey country?
5. How do you peel your orange?
In big chunks.
6. Do you like bananas?
Yes. They're especially good in Cheerios.
7. Could things be better in your life at the moment?
Can't they always?
8. Have you ever tried to put a huge puzzle together?
All the time, in ages past. It's what the family does during holidays.
9. Have you ever been drunk?
What? Of course not. I'm a teetotaler.
10. Did you ever try to cut yourself?
I dislike blood, especially my own. And I'm not that desperate for attention.
11. Do you like clowns?
I am not scared of them, but otherwise I could go either way.
12. Have you seen the movie Jaws?
Yes. And Jaws 2.
13. How do you feel about show offs?
I love them! Seriously, what is the range of answers expected here?
14. Do you go to the library?
Not since law school.
15. Are you excited for back to school?
This question is both chronlogically outdated (it's December!) and personally inapplicable (no school!).
16. Whats your favorite type of energy drink?
I don't drink "energy drinks". I like the red Vitamin Water though.
17. What do you put on your hamburger?
Everything. Don't really like onions though.
18. Do you wish you were older?
I will be older in... 16 days.
19. Do you wish you had magical powers?
Magical? Not really. Sounds like a lot of arcane studying.
20. If so, what powers?
I'm still a fan of immortality. Yeah, I've seen the Twilight Zone and Outer Limits, I'm aware of the drawbacks. I'm still interested.
21. Do you eat teddy grahams?
Isn't that a cereal? No.
22. Does anyone hate you?
I hope not.
23. What is your favorite color of eyeliner?
This is a chick meme, isn't it.
24. Have you ever believed in fairies?
It is. Damn it.
25. Has a butterfly ever landed on your finger?
I massacred hundreds of them while driving through Arizona one time. It was awesome. Take that, you wussy question.
26. Do you have your nose pierced?
That would go over poorly in court.
27. Do you know how to multiply?
As in, "Go forth and multiply"? Because yeah baby, I sho' do.
28. Do you know how to divide?
I hate long division.
29. What was the first school you attended?
Fairview Elementary.
30. What is your favorite number?
I don't have one. Six?
31. Would you rather have braces or glasses?
Braces suck, man. Glasses all the way.
32. What did you have for lunch?
Haven't had lunch yet.
33. Who is/are your best friend(s?)
Good question. It varies.
34. Have you ever seen Coronation street?
I do not know what this means.
35. Are you missing anyone right now?
Sure.
36. Who?
Oh aren't you clever with your follow-up questions. Well I am declining to answer on advice of counsel.
37. Do you have a job?
Yup.
38. Where do you work?
A law firm. Pays the bills!
39.Have you ever stolen something before?
Yes.
40. What was it?
Online stuff. Nothing from the "real world" though.
POST-SCRIPT: These questions started out with promise but rapidly became stupid. Maybe there are no good memes left. Maybe I will have no choice but to make thoughtful, substantive posts about life from here on out.
Oh nevermind, I forgot about the marginally illiterate rants!
December 18, 2007
December 17, 2007
He Be Legend
I don't want to spoil the movie for anybody, but if you've read the original "I Am Legend" and are considering the movie, you should know a few things.
First, they've changed the ending. I won't tell you what the old one, or the new one, actually was. But it's different now, and the movie is quite a bit more Hollywood. The worst part is that it makes the name of the movie nonsensical. Why is he legend? They try and craft a new reason, separate from the book's reason, but it's pretty weak.
But, second, it isn't actually as terrible as you might think. Despite some significant changes, the story of the main character is pretty well done. And Will Smith is quite good as well.
The problem lies in the fact that, with that part of the movie crafted so well, you really regret the changes they make to the ending, and to the "bad guys". The bad guys are just CGI special effects with no real purpose other than to scare us.
Anyway, the movie itself is probably a 6 or 7 out of 10; but when you take it in concert with the book, and realize what it could have been (with no changes to actors or the first hour/hour and a half), it gets a 4/10.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure that crazy-insane with disease or not, you can't bash your skull against a plexiglass wall repeatedly without turning your brains into goo. That part was just plain silly.
First, they've changed the ending. I won't tell you what the old one, or the new one, actually was. But it's different now, and the movie is quite a bit more Hollywood. The worst part is that it makes the name of the movie nonsensical. Why is he legend? They try and craft a new reason, separate from the book's reason, but it's pretty weak.
But, second, it isn't actually as terrible as you might think. Despite some significant changes, the story of the main character is pretty well done. And Will Smith is quite good as well.
The problem lies in the fact that, with that part of the movie crafted so well, you really regret the changes they make to the ending, and to the "bad guys". The bad guys are just CGI special effects with no real purpose other than to scare us.
Anyway, the movie itself is probably a 6 or 7 out of 10; but when you take it in concert with the book, and realize what it could have been (with no changes to actors or the first hour/hour and a half), it gets a 4/10.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure that crazy-insane with disease or not, you can't bash your skull against a plexiglass wall repeatedly without turning your brains into goo. That part was just plain silly.
December 16, 2007
Benefit of the Doubt
A man and a woman drive down a dark road. They're off the map, and while he's sure they're going the right way, she has her doubts.
Something stirs in the darkness, and a terrible feeling washes over the woman. "Honey, please. This doesn't feel right--can we turn around?"
Now, if this were a movie, or TV show, he would immediately tease her and refuse to acknowledge her "irrational fear". But this bugs me, because I feel like unless you date someone that does nothing but barrage you with "weird feelings" and whatnot, why wouldn't you just listen to her.
I mean, if I were in that situation--or anything similar, like a dark house or a desolate street--and the person I was with confessed a deep foreboding, I would actually listen! Is there anybody out there that is dating, or friends with, somebody that they would just disregard?
The thing is, if you did listen to your omen-sensing companion, you'd completely avoid the Horror Story that you headed towards. Which, I suppose, would be terribly boring for anybody reading the story. But in case it ever comes up in real life, I just want to say: listen to your gut. You've seen enough television to know how this works.
Something stirs in the darkness, and a terrible feeling washes over the woman. "Honey, please. This doesn't feel right--can we turn around?"
Now, if this were a movie, or TV show, he would immediately tease her and refuse to acknowledge her "irrational fear". But this bugs me, because I feel like unless you date someone that does nothing but barrage you with "weird feelings" and whatnot, why wouldn't you just listen to her.
I mean, if I were in that situation--or anything similar, like a dark house or a desolate street--and the person I was with confessed a deep foreboding, I would actually listen! Is there anybody out there that is dating, or friends with, somebody that they would just disregard?
The thing is, if you did listen to your omen-sensing companion, you'd completely avoid the Horror Story that you headed towards. Which, I suppose, would be terribly boring for anybody reading the story. But in case it ever comes up in real life, I just want to say: listen to your gut. You've seen enough television to know how this works.
December 12, 2007
"Reality" is Killing The Office
So that whole Writers' Guild strike is still going on, and as a result almost all the good TV shows are out of scripts/episodes for the season. And it's only December.
Sadly, we are rapidly approaching the mid-season scripted show killer: goddamn American Idol, which apparently comes back in January or thereabouts. This is bad, not only because it's inherently silly, but because it will bump ratings back up for the studios (read more about that here).
My plea, and this really only goes out to those that watch reality TV (I think we all do, to some degree) would be to boycott such shows for the rest of this season. Not forever (I know such a plea is all but impossible for some of you) but just for now, so that the studios will give the writers what they want and we can go back to a nice mix of good and bad-but-we-watch television.
And please note: since I do not believe any of you are Nielsen families, you have to be even more careful. No visiting reality-TV show websites, no using Tivo or other DVR devices that report what you're watching to some higher power. You gotta think outside the box.
If you ARE a ratings-determining household, go watch PBS and Friday Night Lights. I don't really watch either, but then nobody cares what I think. Go!
Sadly, we are rapidly approaching the mid-season scripted show killer: goddamn American Idol, which apparently comes back in January or thereabouts. This is bad, not only because it's inherently silly, but because it will bump ratings back up for the studios (read more about that here).
My plea, and this really only goes out to those that watch reality TV (I think we all do, to some degree) would be to boycott such shows for the rest of this season. Not forever (I know such a plea is all but impossible for some of you) but just for now, so that the studios will give the writers what they want and we can go back to a nice mix of good and bad-but-we-watch television.
And please note: since I do not believe any of you are Nielsen families, you have to be even more careful. No visiting reality-TV show websites, no using Tivo or other DVR devices that report what you're watching to some higher power. You gotta think outside the box.
If you ARE a ratings-determining household, go watch PBS and Friday Night Lights. I don't really watch either, but then nobody cares what I think. Go!
December 11, 2007
Stop:
...waiting until the light turns green to put on your turn signal. This goes out to the jerk this morning who sat alone at the light, and made me instantly regret not cutting over to the right lane to get out from behind him. Why? Because he had no indicator that he was turning, until the light turned green and then he scooted forward 5 feet, and signaled. Meanwhile I'm trapped behind this putz when I could have easily moved into the right lane, had he not been lost in his own world of idiocy and let me know he was going to block traffic.
Moral: If you aren't in a turn lane (and hey, even then) you HAVE TO USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL, people. No exceptions.*
...the "He went to Jarred's" commercials (or wherever he went; I've tried to mentally block the name of the store). Even if you accept the premise that diamonds will make your significant other forgive your emotionally crippled personality, I doubt that even those women who forgive will actually care where you got them. Go to hell, Jarred-or-whoever.
Moral: Don't buy diamonds because they're evil.
...taunting me, Detroit Lions. What the hell was that on Sunday? You make a game of it against freaking 11-1 Dallas, when you couldn't make a game of it against the 5-6 Vikings or the even more woeful Cardinals? And then you lose anyway?
Moral: I never thought I'd say this, but thank God for the Tigers. And I wish I liked hockey more.
...being so cold, Oakland. Seriously, two blankets is too much when you live in California. I know people are literally dying in other parts of the country, but this is my forum for selfish complaining. It's too damn cold here.
Moral: You people who insist that the east coast is colder don't wake up to an apartment that is 52 degrees, do you? Yeah, I didn't think so.
...zerging the Alliance base in AV. It's a whole new battleground now and just a smidgen of defense will all but ensure a Horde victory, people. No moral needed for this one; just play a little D and everyone will be cool.
*One exception: car chases.
Moral: If you aren't in a turn lane (and hey, even then) you HAVE TO USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL, people. No exceptions.*
...the "He went to Jarred's" commercials (or wherever he went; I've tried to mentally block the name of the store). Even if you accept the premise that diamonds will make your significant other forgive your emotionally crippled personality, I doubt that even those women who forgive will actually care where you got them. Go to hell, Jarred-or-whoever.
Moral: Don't buy diamonds because they're evil.
...taunting me, Detroit Lions. What the hell was that on Sunday? You make a game of it against freaking 11-1 Dallas, when you couldn't make a game of it against the 5-6 Vikings or the even more woeful Cardinals? And then you lose anyway?
Moral: I never thought I'd say this, but thank God for the Tigers. And I wish I liked hockey more.
...being so cold, Oakland. Seriously, two blankets is too much when you live in California. I know people are literally dying in other parts of the country, but this is my forum for selfish complaining. It's too damn cold here.
Moral: You people who insist that the east coast is colder don't wake up to an apartment that is 52 degrees, do you? Yeah, I didn't think so.
...zerging the Alliance base in AV. It's a whole new battleground now and just a smidgen of defense will all but ensure a Horde victory, people. No moral needed for this one; just play a little D and everyone will be cool.
*One exception: car chases.
December 10, 2007
A Fine Whine
The Washington Post had an op/ed piece by a moderate-conservative professor decrying the "lack of diversity" in U.S. universities. But when he says lack of diversity, he means bias--bias towards liberals, that is.
I don't disagree that many professors in the social studies disciplines (such as sociology, economics, and political science) are left-leaning. And a common, but unruly answer to this from the liberal angle is that liberals are more open to ideas and therefore more amenable to the "teaching" atmosphere.
I do not think this is necessarily incorrect, but it sure does piss people off when you say it. Maranto (the author of the op/ed) in particular says it smacks of arrogance, which it absolutely does. That doesn't make it wrong, though.
Maranto compares the tendency to teach Intelligent Design in schools (they don't) to the tendency to teach Marxism economic theory (they do). This seems flawed for a number of reasons, chief of which is that they are not comparable theoretical systems. Yes, both may be fundamentally flawed, but Marxism is a testable theory and ID is completely untestable. Granted, I am neither an economist nor a biologist, but I know that you can look at history and economic theory and study Marxism, and thereby identify its flaws. But with ID, the entire theory is "Evolution isn't real." Not only is it asinine, it's untestable. The phrase, "It was Intelligent design," is the answer to any question you would have about biology, if you adopt the ID approach. "Some sort of higher power did it" is not an answer, because it stops there.
So it is a poor comparison. Marxism may be loved by some liberals, but it is not the same as when conservatives propose Intelligent Design as an answer.
And if this is what makes liberals arrogant--that they know a proper, testable theory when they see one, and conservatives seem happy to spout some untestable nonsense and then stop research--then sign me up for the Ego class.
Not that I'd... need it. What with being liberal.
I don't disagree that many professors in the social studies disciplines (such as sociology, economics, and political science) are left-leaning. And a common, but unruly answer to this from the liberal angle is that liberals are more open to ideas and therefore more amenable to the "teaching" atmosphere.
I do not think this is necessarily incorrect, but it sure does piss people off when you say it. Maranto (the author of the op/ed) in particular says it smacks of arrogance, which it absolutely does. That doesn't make it wrong, though.
Maranto compares the tendency to teach Intelligent Design in schools (they don't) to the tendency to teach Marxism economic theory (they do). This seems flawed for a number of reasons, chief of which is that they are not comparable theoretical systems. Yes, both may be fundamentally flawed, but Marxism is a testable theory and ID is completely untestable. Granted, I am neither an economist nor a biologist, but I know that you can look at history and economic theory and study Marxism, and thereby identify its flaws. But with ID, the entire theory is "Evolution isn't real." Not only is it asinine, it's untestable. The phrase, "It was Intelligent design," is the answer to any question you would have about biology, if you adopt the ID approach. "Some sort of higher power did it" is not an answer, because it stops there.
So it is a poor comparison. Marxism may be loved by some liberals, but it is not the same as when conservatives propose Intelligent Design as an answer.
And if this is what makes liberals arrogant--that they know a proper, testable theory when they see one, and conservatives seem happy to spout some untestable nonsense and then stop research--then sign me up for the Ego class.
Not that I'd... need it. What with being liberal.
December 6, 2007
Brimful of Asha on the...
...45?
These aren't half bad, for once.
1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
First kiss? Nope, I haven't seen or heard of her in more than 10 years. Second kiss is married. Third kiss is MIA as well. Maybe this means something.
2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
I guess donate them to a soup kitchen or something.
3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
Same as Kim, I listened to my parents music. Which meant my dad's music, which meant classic rock.
4. What is the best thing about your job?
I'm still thrilled just to have one.
5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was required in class?
I'm hardly ever in "class" so I don't really care. But there are many issues that I have with cell phones.
8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
True vacation? No idea. I don't count going to Virginia for Christmas.
9. Quote a song lyric?
"Morning's here, the morning's here
Sunshine is near
The sky is blue, the morning's here."
10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
It's all relative. Most are old, I suppose, but it depends on your meaning, Poll Drafting Person.
11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
Almost all of it is from Ikea.
13. If you could be an animal what would you be?
Something that can fly, like a hawk. Some sort of raptor.
14. What state/country are you from?
I was born in Virginia.
15. Tell us about the last conversation/s you had.
"Where the hell is everybody?" "I know! Man!" "Oh well."
16. Where do you see yourself in one month?
At work. It's possible that other than a shifting of the piles of paper on my desk, and a different shirt, that everything will be exactly identical.
17. What is your favorite smell?
Girl smell. Sometimes it's perfume, sometimes it's some other thing girls use, but it's pretty good.
18. What is your favorite sight?
I am most often amazed by weather effects and other heavenly sights (sunsets, etc.). They're pretty outstanding.
19. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
If you "consider yourself" bipolar you're an idiot, and probably just looking for attention. People who actually are bipolar have had a real diagnosis and treatment.
21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers?
I don't roll down like that. I'll cut you eye-to-eye, not from behind two weeks later. Fo' sho'.
22. Have you ever gone to therapy?
Sure. Post-parental divorce, during some teen angst issues, and people have been recommending it lately too. Hmm.
23. Have you ever played Spin the bottle?
I was not cool when it was cool to play Spin the Bottle, so I was not at those parties.
24. Have you ever toilet-papered someone's house?
Hmmm. I honestly can't recall. Chance would know.
25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
That could be the subtitle to part one of my autobiography, "Sam: The Formative Years".
26. Have you ever gone camping?
Of course. I was a Cub Scout after all.
27. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend?
Let me think on that. Emily's were all way too young, but Kate's weren't. I don't believe that I ever had a real "crush" on one of them though.
28. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
Nope. There are plenty around but that ain't my thing.
29. Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Neither the act nor the drink. Sand doesn't belong in certain places.
30. Have you ever had a stalker?
I've known a girl that my female friends considered a stalker, but this just made me convinced that most girls who claim "OMG stalker!" don't really know how bad it could be.
I... should show them. (cue maniacal laughter)
32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
Sure baby, we all have I hope. I mean, if tearing up is crying.
33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober one?
I didn't drink much in the early part of college, so yeah. It has happened.
34. Have you ever been cheated on?
Not that I'm aware of, but I wouldn't be surprised.
35. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
Not really. I wasn't right if I did, at least.
36. Have you ever lied to your parents?
Who doesn't? Damn religious kids, making me answer questions that should be a no-brainer.
37. Have you ever been out of the US?
Canada, Mexico, and technically British soil.
38. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
The very first time I ever worked out, to my knowledge, was in 9th grade at the first Crew practice, and yeah I did. But not since then.
39. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
More often I delay getting a haircut for so long that a hat is necessary.
40. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day?
Probably, but not on purpose and not in the last 5 or so years.
41. Have you ever gotten so wasted you cant remember the nite before?
It's "night" and no. I have always been suspicious of people that can't recall anything about the night before; usually you know what happened, you just don't remember the details very clearly. So yeah you did make out with me, Amber!!!
(that was a joke, don't get all crazy on me out there)
42. Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on?
Is Google spying? Because if so hell yeah. Otherwise no, not that I'm aware of.
43. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers?
Yep!
44. Kissed more than one person at a time?
No and no thank you.
45. Pot?
Kettle? Black!
These aren't half bad, for once.
1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
First kiss? Nope, I haven't seen or heard of her in more than 10 years. Second kiss is married. Third kiss is MIA as well. Maybe this means something.
2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
I guess donate them to a soup kitchen or something.
3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
Same as Kim, I listened to my parents music. Which meant my dad's music, which meant classic rock.
4. What is the best thing about your job?
I'm still thrilled just to have one.
5. Do you wish cell phone etiquette was required in class?
I'm hardly ever in "class" so I don't really care. But there are many issues that I have with cell phones.
8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
True vacation? No idea. I don't count going to Virginia for Christmas.
9. Quote a song lyric?
"Morning's here, the morning's here
Sunshine is near
The sky is blue, the morning's here."
10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
It's all relative. Most are old, I suppose, but it depends on your meaning, Poll Drafting Person.
11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
Almost all of it is from Ikea.
13. If you could be an animal what would you be?
Something that can fly, like a hawk. Some sort of raptor.
14. What state/country are you from?
I was born in Virginia.
15. Tell us about the last conversation/s you had.
"Where the hell is everybody?" "I know! Man!" "Oh well."
16. Where do you see yourself in one month?
At work. It's possible that other than a shifting of the piles of paper on my desk, and a different shirt, that everything will be exactly identical.
17. What is your favorite smell?
Girl smell. Sometimes it's perfume, sometimes it's some other thing girls use, but it's pretty good.
18. What is your favorite sight?
I am most often amazed by weather effects and other heavenly sights (sunsets, etc.). They're pretty outstanding.
19. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
If you "consider yourself" bipolar you're an idiot, and probably just looking for attention. People who actually are bipolar have had a real diagnosis and treatment.
21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers?
I don't roll down like that. I'll cut you eye-to-eye, not from behind two weeks later. Fo' sho'.
22. Have you ever gone to therapy?
Sure. Post-parental divorce, during some teen angst issues, and people have been recommending it lately too. Hmm.
23. Have you ever played Spin the bottle?
I was not cool when it was cool to play Spin the Bottle, so I was not at those parties.
24. Have you ever toilet-papered someone's house?
Hmmm. I honestly can't recall. Chance would know.
25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
That could be the subtitle to part one of my autobiography, "Sam: The Formative Years".
26. Have you ever gone camping?
Of course. I was a Cub Scout after all.
27. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend?
Let me think on that. Emily's were all way too young, but Kate's weren't. I don't believe that I ever had a real "crush" on one of them though.
28. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
Nope. There are plenty around but that ain't my thing.
29. Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Neither the act nor the drink. Sand doesn't belong in certain places.
30. Have you ever had a stalker?
I've known a girl that my female friends considered a stalker, but this just made me convinced that most girls who claim "OMG stalker!" don't really know how bad it could be.
I... should show them. (cue maniacal laughter)
32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
Sure baby, we all have I hope. I mean, if tearing up is crying.
33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober one?
I didn't drink much in the early part of college, so yeah. It has happened.
34. Have you ever been cheated on?
Not that I'm aware of, but I wouldn't be surprised.
35. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
Not really. I wasn't right if I did, at least.
36. Have you ever lied to your parents?
Who doesn't? Damn religious kids, making me answer questions that should be a no-brainer.
37. Have you ever been out of the US?
Canada, Mexico, and technically British soil.
38. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
The very first time I ever worked out, to my knowledge, was in 9th grade at the first Crew practice, and yeah I did. But not since then.
39. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
More often I delay getting a haircut for so long that a hat is necessary.
40. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day?
Probably, but not on purpose and not in the last 5 or so years.
41. Have you ever gotten so wasted you cant remember the nite before?
It's "night" and no. I have always been suspicious of people that can't recall anything about the night before; usually you know what happened, you just don't remember the details very clearly. So yeah you did make out with me, Amber!!!
(that was a joke, don't get all crazy on me out there)
42. Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on?
Is Google spying? Because if so hell yeah. Otherwise no, not that I'm aware of.
43. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers?
Yep!
44. Kissed more than one person at a time?
No and no thank you.
45. Pot?
Kettle? Black!
December 5, 2007
D-U Straw Poll
I'm thinking of trying to work the phrase "I've gotta see a man about a horse" into my daily life more often.
What say ye, Internet denizens? Hackneyed and stupid or a brilliant slice of old-timey goodness?
(I figured why not make a poll. It probably won't happen again.)
UPDATE: I am glad that forced sterility did not win, but I am in agreement with the "Cute but no" crowd. My interest in the phrase did not last long after this posting, sadly.
What say ye, Internet denizens? Hackneyed and stupid or a brilliant slice of old-timey goodness?
(I figured why not make a poll. It probably won't happen again.)
UPDATE: I am glad that forced sterility did not win, but I am in agreement with the "Cute but no" crowd. My interest in the phrase did not last long after this posting, sadly.
December 4, 2007
That Dreamless Sleep
Why embrace it early?
There is an interesting poll and conversation in the Post's "Funny?" chat today. It concerns suicide, and the circumstances under which one believes it is okay, right, or acceptable.
I think suicide, if you can rationally choose to do so, is a horrible mistake. I have only two exceptions--one if you take the previous sentence at full value. Because when you "rationally" decide, I take that to mean the person does not suffer from a mental disorder which colors their view of the universe or their own reality. If a person has such a disorder, we cannot comprehend what would lead them to make any decisions, including the decision to take one's life. So they get a pass on the immorality of the issue.
The only "real" exception is in the case of terminal illness that has progressed to the point where even a cure couldn't save the person. That is, if they have been so debilitated by disease or injury that even removal of said disease/injury would not save them. You may then choose to prematurely end your life, with my blessing.
The rest of you contemplating or attempting suicide? F*ck off with yourselves. The world is a big place, and there is always an answer somewhere. Even if that answer is to die in a hail of gunfire doing something important, it is better than suicide.
I don't mean to be insensitive to those people who have tried to off themselves, or those who were close with people who succeeded. I feel for you. But this is it, people. This life is what you get. If it is particularly hard, then change it. But every little thing, good and bad, that happens to you will cease to exist if you choose the suicide exit.
This is less a suicide-prevention issue and more an issue of perspective. Too many people live day in and day out ignoring the fact that there is not only a larger world, but an entire universe. So I cannot imagine a scenario (outside of those mentioned above) where suicide would be the only option to relieve suffering.
Prison? Read some books and better yourself.
Horrible OZ-style prison? I would kill my tormentors, or die trying.
Massive debt or financial woes? Bankruptcy, move to Idaho, open a diner. Move to a different country. Buckle down and pay it off.
Somebody doesn't love you anymore? Get over it. Seriously, you can't be so self-centered as to truly believe you are unique in that situation. Grieve for your lost love, and move on. Take a year! Take five! But move on.
Death is not a bad thing. Embracing it early, at your choice, with no positive outcome other than your own relief (theoretically--who knows what happens after you die) is the hallmark of cowards and the supremely ignorant.
UPDATE: Linked in Gene's chat was an article a woman wrote about her father's suicide. In it was this paragraph:
There is an interesting poll and conversation in the Post's "Funny?" chat today. It concerns suicide, and the circumstances under which one believes it is okay, right, or acceptable.
I think suicide, if you can rationally choose to do so, is a horrible mistake. I have only two exceptions--one if you take the previous sentence at full value. Because when you "rationally" decide, I take that to mean the person does not suffer from a mental disorder which colors their view of the universe or their own reality. If a person has such a disorder, we cannot comprehend what would lead them to make any decisions, including the decision to take one's life. So they get a pass on the immorality of the issue.
The only "real" exception is in the case of terminal illness that has progressed to the point where even a cure couldn't save the person. That is, if they have been so debilitated by disease or injury that even removal of said disease/injury would not save them. You may then choose to prematurely end your life, with my blessing.
The rest of you contemplating or attempting suicide? F*ck off with yourselves. The world is a big place, and there is always an answer somewhere. Even if that answer is to die in a hail of gunfire doing something important, it is better than suicide.
I don't mean to be insensitive to those people who have tried to off themselves, or those who were close with people who succeeded. I feel for you. But this is it, people. This life is what you get. If it is particularly hard, then change it. But every little thing, good and bad, that happens to you will cease to exist if you choose the suicide exit.
This is less a suicide-prevention issue and more an issue of perspective. Too many people live day in and day out ignoring the fact that there is not only a larger world, but an entire universe. So I cannot imagine a scenario (outside of those mentioned above) where suicide would be the only option to relieve suffering.
Prison? Read some books and better yourself.
Horrible OZ-style prison? I would kill my tormentors, or die trying.
Massive debt or financial woes? Bankruptcy, move to Idaho, open a diner. Move to a different country. Buckle down and pay it off.
Somebody doesn't love you anymore? Get over it. Seriously, you can't be so self-centered as to truly believe you are unique in that situation. Grieve for your lost love, and move on. Take a year! Take five! But move on.
Death is not a bad thing. Embracing it early, at your choice, with no positive outcome other than your own relief (theoretically--who knows what happens after you die) is the hallmark of cowards and the supremely ignorant.
UPDATE: Linked in Gene's chat was an article a woman wrote about her father's suicide. In it was this paragraph:
Suicide is a desperate act, but it is also a hostile act. It begets more hostility. It gives the survivors the perfect opportunity to express all their real feelings about one another, good and bad. Years of petty resentments, years of unmentioned slights and snubs, grab center stage.Couldn't have said it better myself--this is why it is cowardly in many cases. You want to tell them how pissed you are, but you know it's not black and white so you do so in the only way that gives you the last word. You are afraid to truly confront the people you choose to hurt with suicide, including yourself. It is a terrible, terrible choice.
November 28, 2007
Three(ish) Things
Thing the First:
Heroes, man. This show is KILLING me. Two weeks I declared, openly and loudly, that the show was really pushing its luck and would have one more chance to make me interested.
Then, it was good. Last week's had action and moved the plot along and nobody was exceptionally stupid as is the usual course of business at Heroes Inc.
This did not last, sadly. Monday's episode was at the top of its game, idiocy-wise, and I am now thankful that a writer's strike is occurring because maybe the show will stop being on TV for awhile.
First of all, to call Peter a moron is to insult morons. He can read minds but he doesn't read Adam's? He doesn't question why he would untie the woman who has tried to kill them, when even a blind monkey could tell you he was planning to eliminate her? And then, even though he knows Hiro personally he decides that he has to beat him down to protect the guy that doesn't die. Also, his weird obsession with some chick he abandoned in the future, and his completely irrational idea that preventing the plague will somehow help her, makes me want to push his stupid superface into a wall.
Don't get me wrong, everybody else in the show was stupid too--Hiro could prevent problems by saying "Dude, I went back in time and Adam tried to release the virus in 1977" but instead it's all weird posturing. Claire has made some vague threat about going public, with the idea that this will somehow damage Veronica Mars, but her cheerleader logic escapes me. And Suresh is still setting the stupid bar far lower than most doctorate-holders could imagine.
I don't even like Sylar anymore. He has no powers, he's annoying, and I'm really hoping that someone sticks a(nother) sword through him. I am convinced at this point that a plague killing 93% of the earth's population would be great as long as it guaranteed the death of everyone on this show.
Thing the Second:
I was righteously indignant about something else this morning, but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was.
Thing the Third:
I go to Starbucks regularly. So sue me. I don't mind when my co-patrons come with friends, but when all three or four or (god forbid) FIVE of them stand together right in front of the pick-up counter, it makes my eyes glaze over with murderous rage. EVEN AFTER PEOPLE HAVE TO "EXCUSE ME" THROUGH THE IDIOTS, THEY DON'T MOVE.
Perhaps I am angry today, or something. But just as with inattentive drivers, people who stand around on the street or in places of business and cause trouble for everyone else, through their sheer inability to observe their surroundings, are making life a little less pleasant for everyone around them. Cut that shit out.
Heroes, man. This show is KILLING me. Two weeks I declared, openly and loudly, that the show was really pushing its luck and would have one more chance to make me interested.
Then, it was good. Last week's had action and moved the plot along and nobody was exceptionally stupid as is the usual course of business at Heroes Inc.
This did not last, sadly. Monday's episode was at the top of its game, idiocy-wise, and I am now thankful that a writer's strike is occurring because maybe the show will stop being on TV for awhile.
First of all, to call Peter a moron is to insult morons. He can read minds but he doesn't read Adam's? He doesn't question why he would untie the woman who has tried to kill them, when even a blind monkey could tell you he was planning to eliminate her? And then, even though he knows Hiro personally he decides that he has to beat him down to protect the guy that doesn't die. Also, his weird obsession with some chick he abandoned in the future, and his completely irrational idea that preventing the plague will somehow help her, makes me want to push his stupid superface into a wall.
Don't get me wrong, everybody else in the show was stupid too--Hiro could prevent problems by saying "Dude, I went back in time and Adam tried to release the virus in 1977" but instead it's all weird posturing. Claire has made some vague threat about going public, with the idea that this will somehow damage Veronica Mars, but her cheerleader logic escapes me. And Suresh is still setting the stupid bar far lower than most doctorate-holders could imagine.
I don't even like Sylar anymore. He has no powers, he's annoying, and I'm really hoping that someone sticks a(nother) sword through him. I am convinced at this point that a plague killing 93% of the earth's population would be great as long as it guaranteed the death of everyone on this show.
Thing the Second:
I was righteously indignant about something else this morning, but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was.
Thing the Third:
I go to Starbucks regularly. So sue me. I don't mind when my co-patrons come with friends, but when all three or four or (god forbid) FIVE of them stand together right in front of the pick-up counter, it makes my eyes glaze over with murderous rage. EVEN AFTER PEOPLE HAVE TO "EXCUSE ME" THROUGH THE IDIOTS, THEY DON'T MOVE.
Perhaps I am angry today, or something. But just as with inattentive drivers, people who stand around on the street or in places of business and cause trouble for everyone else, through their sheer inability to observe their surroundings, are making life a little less pleasant for everyone around them. Cut that shit out.
November 27, 2007
OnetwothreeGO!
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Witness something extraordinary
2. Travel to... almost anywhere outside the US. This one should be easily achieved.
3. Achieve nirvana?
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Sam
2. Samuel if I'm being called for attendance.
3. Sammy if you're cruisin' for a bruisin'.
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. sammyb78 (i know, see #3 in previous, shut up)
2. volcanogod (good ol' quake!)
3. sjb (at work)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I am glad I am tall.
2. I have pretty good-sized shoulders. Not good for shirt-buying though.
3. ... (I don't have any issues, but "like" implies a preference for over other things; I don't think I'm that wedded to any other part of me).
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German
2. French
3. Hillbilly.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Nothing scares me, but I don't like:
2. needles or blood
3. large or particularly disgusting bugs
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Car keys
2. Computer
3. Caffeine of some kind.
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Shoes
2. Shirt
3. Service.
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS/MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. I still like The Shins
2. Also, any sad bastard music hits the spot right now.
3. R.E.M.?
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS:
(I just noticed, is this poll British?)
1. The cover of Working Class Hero by Green Day
2. This is really hard without my iPod in hand.
3. Guilty pleasure: that stupid song by Fergie about not crying or something.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. I plead the fifth on this one.
2. Really.
3. Move along.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I can count to ten in 4 languages.
2. I work best alone.
3. I know how to drive a stick-shift.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
(My preferred sex? Or have we as a society agreed to prefer one?)
1. Eyes. Not just having them, but pretty ones.
2. Neck.
3. All that obvious stuff like boobs and butt.
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. I got yer hobbies right here, mister.
2. Video games.
3. Movies.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Be done with work for the day.
2. Be okay with stuff.
3. Fly.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. PR flack (done and done)
2. Political hack (maybe someday)
3. Writer (because what blogger doesn't wish they had the talent for full novel writing?)
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Europe.
2. Fiji.
3. Back to the Caribbean.
THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Ophelia (if I don't like the kid)
2. Henry (I still say it's a good name)
3. Natasha.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I have feelings?
2. I use hair product.
3. Yeah, gossip. I do that.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I have all the required parts.
2. I don't talk about my feelings.
3. I will hit you. No, not YOU. That guy.
Although, I don't know that "stereotypical" works in this area, because with today's gender-bending culture, the only real norm is physical anatomy (and even that is alterable). I mean, around here, hair product is pretty popular with The Boys.
1. Witness something extraordinary
2. Travel to... almost anywhere outside the US. This one should be easily achieved.
3. Achieve nirvana?
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Sam
2. Samuel if I'm being called for attendance.
3. Sammy if you're cruisin' for a bruisin'.
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. sammyb78 (i know, see #3 in previous, shut up)
2. volcanogod (good ol' quake!)
3. sjb (at work)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I am glad I am tall.
2. I have pretty good-sized shoulders. Not good for shirt-buying though.
3. ... (I don't have any issues, but "like" implies a preference for over other things; I don't think I'm that wedded to any other part of me).
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German
2. French
3. Hillbilly.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Nothing scares me, but I don't like:
2. needles or blood
3. large or particularly disgusting bugs
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Car keys
2. Computer
3. Caffeine of some kind.
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Shoes
2. Shirt
3. Service.
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS/MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. I still like The Shins
2. Also, any sad bastard music hits the spot right now.
3. R.E.M.?
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS:
(I just noticed, is this poll British?)
1. The cover of Working Class Hero by Green Day
2. This is really hard without my iPod in hand.
3. Guilty pleasure: that stupid song by Fergie about not crying or something.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. I plead the fifth on this one.
2. Really.
3. Move along.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I can count to ten in 4 languages.
2. I work best alone.
3. I know how to drive a stick-shift.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
(My preferred sex? Or have we as a society agreed to prefer one?)
1. Eyes. Not just having them, but pretty ones.
2. Neck.
3. All that obvious stuff like boobs and butt.
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. I got yer hobbies right here, mister.
2. Video games.
3. Movies.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Be done with work for the day.
2. Be okay with stuff.
3. Fly.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. PR flack (done and done)
2. Political hack (maybe someday)
3. Writer (because what blogger doesn't wish they had the talent for full novel writing?)
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Europe.
2. Fiji.
3. Back to the Caribbean.
THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Ophelia (if I don't like the kid)
2. Henry (I still say it's a good name)
3. Natasha.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I have feelings?
2. I use hair product.
3. Yeah, gossip. I do that.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I have all the required parts.
2. I don't talk about my feelings.
3. I will hit you. No, not YOU. That guy.
Although, I don't know that "stereotypical" works in this area, because with today's gender-bending culture, the only real norm is physical anatomy (and even that is alterable). I mean, around here, hair product is pretty popular with The Boys.
November 15, 2007
They Have the Plant But We Have the Power...
I know there is some discontent among the nation's TV watchers over the current Writers Guild strike. But who can make any sense of the whole complicated thing? It is in these times of confusion and despair that the Internet community turns to me, someone with no insider knowledge and only a superficial understanding of the key issues involved, to explain the whole mess. Thus, I present to you:
Whiny Hacks Who Get to Live a Hollywood Lifestyle While Still Being Unattractive
vs.
Soulless Corporate Machines That Would Rather All Human Existence Were Under Their Control ala The Matrix
The writers think they're getting screwed out of money. Of course they are. We're ALL getting screwed out of money, every day. They have a point though, in that they don't get paid squat for "new media". This is because they have really shitty contracts and, apparently, shitty agents. And the major studios and media companies have excellent lawyers that do nothing but think of ways to screw writers (and actors; and directors; and anybody who isn't them).
Sympathy for the writers begins to wan, however, when one realizes that the money they lose out on comes in the form of residuals. Residuals are when you get paid well after a TV show or movie is actually produced, because it is distributed in DVD form or played in syndication. Everybody involved in these shows gets a check (size depends on involvement in the production, usually) anytime the media they helped create is reproduced or replayed.
First of all, "everybody" in the preceding paragraph doesn't mean technical people. Grips, stagehands, and others usually get nothing except their weekly paycheck. Writers, actors, directors and producers get the residuals.
Second of all, this concept--which is very dear to Hollywood--likely seems quite foreign to most Americans. If I write an outstanding brief, I may get a bonus (hah!) but if my brief is used as a template for years to come, will I see a penny? Nope. This is true for most professions; you're paid for your work and that's that. So when actors/writers complain that they "need" residuals to get them through the lean times, most people are highly unsympathetic. I would love for my work today to carry me through unemployment in 2009, but it's not going to happen.
Of course, despite being a little out-of-touch with what most people would consider "fair compensation", it is still this uninformed writer's opinion that the WGA is the side to support. For one thing, out-of-touch does not equate to wrong, and the corporate studio systems is absolutely screwing the writers out of compensation. They do this by classifying produced materials in such a way so as they do not have to pay the writers (i.e. anything on the web is "promotional", not a show, and thus writers get no part of the revenue gained from such "promotion").
This is unfair and they are right to complain; the residual system may be loopy to many Americans, but it what Hollywood uses. To single out the writers as ineligible receivers of "new media" profits is unfair and greedy.
But writers? Most of you aren't as good as you think you are (I am assuming somebody writes "According to Jim") and if you want sympathy, you should stick to the straight facts. Reminding people that you'll still be getting paid in 2015 for your work on "Cavemen" is not going to help your cause.
Now do Classical Gas!
November 14, 2007
It's All About You, Isn't It
I decided to put a stop to the uninterrupted flow of memes, as entertaining as I'm sure they are, in favor of a post that has to do with my actual self.
Unfortunately, I've been too busy lately to have proper rants stored up. Nothing percolates for more than a half hour, because that is my limit or rage-inducing thought.
So you getbullets hyphens because I don't remember how to bullet:
- There is an interesting article on Slate about the de facto moratorium on the death penalty that is currently in place. I won't go into how I loathe capital punishment (short reason: you shouldn't permanently punish when you can never be 100% sure) but it reminded me of a long-ago discussion I had with a couple friends at Kings Dominion (a theme park in Virginia). I don't recall the specifics, except to say that I have to give props to Raf for arguing with both me (now a lawyer!) and his then-girlfriend about the legitimacy of the punishment. And, as it turns out, he was on the right page and we weren't.
- Housing in the Bay Area is very expensive. Overly expensive. $1700 for a 2br in a fairly mediocre part of town (not even in San Francisco proper!) is excessive and insane. People (my good buddy Marek!) have argued with me about whether rent control is a sound plan, and while I realize that the economic reasons are strong, my own anecdotal experience will always keep me a fan of control vs. free market on that one.
- Entertainment Round-Up: Gone Baby Gone is lamely-titled but outstanding. Possibly the best I've seen since Children of Men. Bee Movie was better than expected, probably because my expectations are inverse to the amount of promotion a movie has, and oh dear Jesus. It's quite possible that 30 Rock is supplanting The Office as my very bestest favorite show on television right now; this is not to say The Office is bad--I think it is at about 90% of its game at the moment--but that 30 Rock is just unspeakably great.
- I have no idea what my Thanksgiving plans are. I have promised myself to stop calling it Turkey Day, though. It is a mild joke that has run its course, like "Tar-Jzay" and calling people "Parental Units".
- "That's what she said" is still funny, though I never, ever, remember to say it at the right time. That may actually make me a better person, but I would sacrifice an upstanding for being funnier.
- I was told that the line in last Sunday's Lions/Cardinals game was Arizona by one, and that as a result many, many people bet on the Lions. As a long-time Lions fan, I say: you fools. I could have told you that as soon as they hit 6-2, they would stumble like the mediocre team they are. Don't get me wrong, I support them. I want them to do well. But if wishes were wings, we'd all fly. Kitna cannot do it all. Losing, and losing badly, to Arizona (and let's not forgot how badly they were blown out by their other "losses", quotes because the games were more like forfeits) shows that they are lucky first, and skillful a distant second.
- I got the finger for tailgating the other day. I do not believe it was justified, because although I was indeed tailgating, the guy was going 18 mph in a 30 mph zone. And not just for half a block--for almost a mile. And then he gave ME the finger? What is the thought process there? He's lucky I didn't leap from my car and beat him senseless. It's not like it would have been hard to catch him on foot.
(And before you think or say it, if you are looking for a store, or house, or are otherwise unsure about where to turn or go, the correct answer is to PULL OVER in the wide-open parking area and let the mile-long line of cars go by while you check your directions.
Unfortunately, I've been too busy lately to have proper rants stored up. Nothing percolates for more than a half hour, because that is my limit or rage-inducing thought.
So you get
- There is an interesting article on Slate about the de facto moratorium on the death penalty that is currently in place. I won't go into how I loathe capital punishment (short reason: you shouldn't permanently punish when you can never be 100% sure) but it reminded me of a long-ago discussion I had with a couple friends at Kings Dominion (a theme park in Virginia). I don't recall the specifics, except to say that I have to give props to Raf for arguing with both me (now a lawyer!) and his then-girlfriend about the legitimacy of the punishment. And, as it turns out, he was on the right page and we weren't.
- Housing in the Bay Area is very expensive. Overly expensive. $1700 for a 2br in a fairly mediocre part of town (not even in San Francisco proper!) is excessive and insane. People (my good buddy Marek!) have argued with me about whether rent control is a sound plan, and while I realize that the economic reasons are strong, my own anecdotal experience will always keep me a fan of control vs. free market on that one.
- Entertainment Round-Up: Gone Baby Gone is lamely-titled but outstanding. Possibly the best I've seen since Children of Men. Bee Movie was better than expected, probably because my expectations are inverse to the amount of promotion a movie has, and oh dear Jesus. It's quite possible that 30 Rock is supplanting The Office as my very bestest favorite show on television right now; this is not to say The Office is bad--I think it is at about 90% of its game at the moment--but that 30 Rock is just unspeakably great.
- I have no idea what my Thanksgiving plans are. I have promised myself to stop calling it Turkey Day, though. It is a mild joke that has run its course, like "Tar-Jzay" and calling people "Parental Units".
- "That's what she said" is still funny, though I never, ever, remember to say it at the right time. That may actually make me a better person, but I would sacrifice an upstanding for being funnier.
- I was told that the line in last Sunday's Lions/Cardinals game was Arizona by one, and that as a result many, many people bet on the Lions. As a long-time Lions fan, I say: you fools. I could have told you that as soon as they hit 6-2, they would stumble like the mediocre team they are. Don't get me wrong, I support them. I want them to do well. But if wishes were wings, we'd all fly. Kitna cannot do it all. Losing, and losing badly, to Arizona (and let's not forgot how badly they were blown out by their other "losses", quotes because the games were more like forfeits) shows that they are lucky first, and skillful a distant second.
- I got the finger for tailgating the other day. I do not believe it was justified, because although I was indeed tailgating, the guy was going 18 mph in a 30 mph zone. And not just for half a block--for almost a mile. And then he gave ME the finger? What is the thought process there? He's lucky I didn't leap from my car and beat him senseless. It's not like it would have been hard to catch him on foot.
(And before you think or say it, if you are looking for a store, or house, or are otherwise unsure about where to turn or go, the correct answer is to PULL OVER in the wide-open parking area and let the mile-long line of cars go by while you check your directions.
November 7, 2007
The Long Arm of the Myspace Law
I stole this from my cousin’s Myspace. Normally I would only steal a meme from Kim, because she’s pretty good at sorting out the crappy or idiotic ones. But I like this because it lets me flex my legal muscles.
You’re supposed to say “guilty” or “innocent”, but given those particular choices I may have to object or plead insanity a few times.
1. Dated outside your race?
Guilty. Easy to do when you’re The Man.
2. Gotten a hickey?
Guilty? I don’t recall but I bet I have. Damn wimmins.
3. Dated your best friend?
Objection as to form; vague and ambiguous. Were we friends prior to dating? As dating progressed? After dating? All have different answers.
4. Sang in the shower?
Guilty as hell. My voice is AWESOME.
5. Spit in someone's drink?
Happy to be innocent of this one.
6. Opened your Christmas presents early?
“Not Guilty” on a technicality. If it’s not wrapped yet, how can I open it?
7. Got into a fight at school?
Objection, vague and ambiguous. Assumes facts not in evidence. What school? Verbal or physical? Was I a key participant or a bystander that stepped in to prevent harm?
8. Lied to a friend?
Hell yeah I’m guilty. My friends get uppity sometimes.
9. Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?
I never counted. All the way through? Probably innocent. But in parts, completely guilty because Goonies rocks.
10. Had more than five REAL bf/gfs
Innocent by virtue of the fact that I’ve been stingy with that particular label.
11. Been arrested?
In-no-cent.
12. Ran through the sprinklers naked?
Not in the last 20 years. Innocent by statute of limitations.
13. Ate food that fell on the floor?
Guilty.
14. Went outside naked?
Objection, vague and ambiguous. The question is framed so that if one exits an indoor setting without clothes, they must answer in the affirmative. However, if one disrobes after entering an outdoor area, the response would be negative.
15. Been on stage?
Guilty, if by stage you mean any raised area on which performances are given. Still guilty if the question is assuming your presence occurred while participating in a performance before a live audience, although this question is poorly framed.
16. Made someone cry?
Guilty, via both physical and emotional pain. The ladies only get the latter.
17. Fooled around with somebody way older?
Objection as to the term “way older”. I cannot answer this.
18. Been in a school play?
Objection as to the term “in”. I have participated in school productions of dramatic works; however I was not a performer.
19. Drank beer?
Seriously? Guilty because I’m not Amish.
20. Gotten detention?
Guilty (see above response to No. 7)
21. Been suspended from school?
Innocent.
22. Been on a cruise?
Guilty.
23. Broken into a house?
Guilty but, like my cousin, it doesn’t count. It was my own house.
24. Gotten a tattoo?
Innocent. Guilty but for lack of a creative spark at the right time.
25. Gotten piercings?
Innocent. My dad’s got that covered just fine.
26. Cried so hard you threw up?
Innocent. Do people do that?
27. Gotten into a shouting match?
Hella guilty. I shout when angry.
28. Been skinny dipping?
Innocent, with unfortunately no exceptions.
29. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose.
Guilty. Who hasn’t done this? You suck.
30. Laughed so hard it hurt?
Totally guilty.
31. Tripped on your own feet?
Guilty on repeated occasions. I am a serial-killer when it comes to this one. Stupid limbs.
32. Cried yourself to sleep?
Innocent. I once woke up crying, though.
33. Cried in public?
Innocent as far as I know.
34. Thrown up in public?
Guilty if by “in public” one assumes that even a single-occupant restroom in a publicly-accessible location is still “public”.
35. Lied to your parents?
Guilty at some point in the past. I don’t believe there are any currently-running lies, though.
36. Skipped class?
I've skipped a whole WEEK of class. Guilty!
37. Slept in class?
Probably guilty. Once I passed out in class, but I don’t think that counts. I was only out for 4 or 5 seconds.
Huzzah! No insanity defense necessary. My life has been boring, yo.
You’re supposed to say “guilty” or “innocent”, but given those particular choices I may have to object or plead insanity a few times.
1. Dated outside your race?
Guilty. Easy to do when you’re The Man.
2. Gotten a hickey?
Guilty? I don’t recall but I bet I have. Damn wimmins.
3. Dated your best friend?
Objection as to form; vague and ambiguous. Were we friends prior to dating? As dating progressed? After dating? All have different answers.
4. Sang in the shower?
Guilty as hell. My voice is AWESOME.
5. Spit in someone's drink?
Happy to be innocent of this one.
6. Opened your Christmas presents early?
“Not Guilty” on a technicality. If it’s not wrapped yet, how can I open it?
7. Got into a fight at school?
Objection, vague and ambiguous. Assumes facts not in evidence. What school? Verbal or physical? Was I a key participant or a bystander that stepped in to prevent harm?
8. Lied to a friend?
Hell yeah I’m guilty. My friends get uppity sometimes.
9. Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?
I never counted. All the way through? Probably innocent. But in parts, completely guilty because Goonies rocks.
10. Had more than five REAL bf/gfs
Innocent by virtue of the fact that I’ve been stingy with that particular label.
11. Been arrested?
In-no-cent.
12. Ran through the sprinklers naked?
Not in the last 20 years. Innocent by statute of limitations.
13. Ate food that fell on the floor?
Guilty.
14. Went outside naked?
Objection, vague and ambiguous. The question is framed so that if one exits an indoor setting without clothes, they must answer in the affirmative. However, if one disrobes after entering an outdoor area, the response would be negative.
15. Been on stage?
Guilty, if by stage you mean any raised area on which performances are given. Still guilty if the question is assuming your presence occurred while participating in a performance before a live audience, although this question is poorly framed.
16. Made someone cry?
Guilty, via both physical and emotional pain. The ladies only get the latter.
17. Fooled around with somebody way older?
Objection as to the term “way older”. I cannot answer this.
18. Been in a school play?
Objection as to the term “in”. I have participated in school productions of dramatic works; however I was not a performer.
19. Drank beer?
Seriously? Guilty because I’m not Amish.
20. Gotten detention?
Guilty (see above response to No. 7)
21. Been suspended from school?
Innocent.
22. Been on a cruise?
Guilty.
23. Broken into a house?
Guilty but, like my cousin, it doesn’t count. It was my own house.
24. Gotten a tattoo?
Innocent. Guilty but for lack of a creative spark at the right time.
25. Gotten piercings?
Innocent. My dad’s got that covered just fine.
26. Cried so hard you threw up?
Innocent. Do people do that?
27. Gotten into a shouting match?
Hella guilty. I shout when angry.
28. Been skinny dipping?
Innocent, with unfortunately no exceptions.
29. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose.
Guilty. Who hasn’t done this? You suck.
30. Laughed so hard it hurt?
Totally guilty.
31. Tripped on your own feet?
Guilty on repeated occasions. I am a serial-killer when it comes to this one. Stupid limbs.
32. Cried yourself to sleep?
Innocent. I once woke up crying, though.
33. Cried in public?
Innocent as far as I know.
34. Thrown up in public?
Guilty if by “in public” one assumes that even a single-occupant restroom in a publicly-accessible location is still “public”.
35. Lied to your parents?
Guilty at some point in the past. I don’t believe there are any currently-running lies, though.
36. Skipped class?
I've skipped a whole WEEK of class. Guilty!
37. Slept in class?
Probably guilty. Once I passed out in class, but I don’t think that counts. I was only out for 4 or 5 seconds.
Huzzah! No insanity defense necessary. My life has been boring, yo.
November 2, 2007
Forever in Blue Jeans
This post is dedicated to Neil Diamond, for absolutely no reason.
I've decided to try and remember as much specificity as possible, and answer down to the day where I can.
Six years ago.....
1.) How old were you?
23 years, 9 months, and 30 days.
2.) Where did you go to school?
School of Life, my friend. I was between academic endeavors.
3) Where did you work?
Fight Crime: Invest in Kids.
4.) Where did you live?
In Arlington, Virginia, with my good buddy the Narc. Narc!
5.) Where did you hang out?
A couple bars in Dupont, and down at Tech with my girlfriend. On Friday, Nov. 2, 2001 I may have been driving down to Tech (though, even accounting for the time difference in coasts, I would more likely have been at work still).
6.) Did you wear glasses?
Not outside. Contacts!
7.) Who was your best friend?
Had to be Jason the Baby Daddy and Raf the Roommate.
9.) How many piercings did you have?
Zilch.
10.) Did you have a car?
Yep, the ol' Mazda Protege. She was hanging in there.
11.) Had you been to a real party?
Clearly this meme is meant for people younger than I. At 23? Of course.
12.) Had You had your heart broken?
Sure had.
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced?
Taken even though she was in nowheresville and largely being a pain in the ass. Haha! Just kidding K.
14.)Any Kids?
None that I know of.
-------------3 years ago----------
1.) How old were you?
26 years, 9 months, and 30 days.
2.) Where did you go to school?
University of San Diego School of Law.
3.) Where did you work?
In November 2004, I was blissfully happy with my unemployment.
4.) Where did you live?
In an area of San Diego called Mission Hills, just to the west of Hillcrest.
5.).Where did you hang out?
It was the beginning of the 2nd year of law school, so it may have been part of my ill-advised "party phase" wherein I went to 3 or 4 "bar reviews". Yes, that was partying... to me.
6.) Did you wear glasses?
Still contacts.
7.) Who were your best friend(s):
In November '04, it was probably Hil. The whole law school gang was still semi-tight then, though.
8.) How many tattoos did you have?
Still zilch. I would get dangerously close to upping that by 1 in about 3 months.
9.) How many piercings did you have?
None, and happy that way.
10) What car did you drive?
The one I still drive, an Acura Integra. She's a trooper.
11) Had your heart broken?
Still yes, but not further broken between 2001 and this point.
12.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced:
Single and looking. At the time, I was hilariously looking in a completely silly direction that ultimately turned out great because she's a super friend.
13.) Any Kids?
Only the illegitimate ones.
--------------------Today--------------------
1.) How old are you?
29 years, 9 months, and 30 days.
2.) Where do you work?
At a law firm that I ain't about to name, for legal reasons.
3) Where do you live?
In the Lake Merritt area of Oakland, California.
4.) Do you wear glasses?
Jesus. STILL. CONTACTS.
5) Who is your best friend?
Gotta be the girlfriend.
6.) Do you talk to your old friends?
I try to. I want to do better.
7) How many piercings do you have?
Never did get anything pierced.
8) How many tattoos?
That window sorta passed me by as well. Maybe someday...
9) What kind of car do you have
Same old Acura.
10.) Has your heart been broken?
Not lately.
11)Single/Taken/Married/Divorced:
Taken.
12.)Any Kids?
There's a great kid that I hang out with, but I'm only a fan and not the provider of necessary genetic material.
In three more years, it will be 2010 and spacecars will roam the skyways. I cannot predict what my answers then will be, of course. I do hope to have at least 7 tattoos though. That'll shut the stupid question up.
I've decided to try and remember as much specificity as possible, and answer down to the day where I can.
Six years ago.....
1.) How old were you?
23 years, 9 months, and 30 days.
2.) Where did you go to school?
School of Life, my friend. I was between academic endeavors.
3) Where did you work?
Fight Crime: Invest in Kids.
4.) Where did you live?
In Arlington, Virginia, with my good buddy the Narc. Narc!
5.) Where did you hang out?
A couple bars in Dupont, and down at Tech with my girlfriend. On Friday, Nov. 2, 2001 I may have been driving down to Tech (though, even accounting for the time difference in coasts, I would more likely have been at work still).
6.) Did you wear glasses?
Not outside. Contacts!
7.) Who was your best friend?
Had to be Jason the Baby Daddy and Raf the Roommate.
9.) How many piercings did you have?
Zilch.
10.) Did you have a car?
Yep, the ol' Mazda Protege. She was hanging in there.
11.) Had you been to a real party?
Clearly this meme is meant for people younger than I. At 23? Of course.
12.) Had You had your heart broken?
Sure had.
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced?
Taken even though she was in nowheresville and largely being a pain in the ass. Haha! Just kidding K.
14.)Any Kids?
None that I know of.
-------------3 years ago----------
1.) How old were you?
26 years, 9 months, and 30 days.
2.) Where did you go to school?
University of San Diego School of Law.
3.) Where did you work?
In November 2004, I was blissfully happy with my unemployment.
4.) Where did you live?
In an area of San Diego called Mission Hills, just to the west of Hillcrest.
5.).Where did you hang out?
It was the beginning of the 2nd year of law school, so it may have been part of my ill-advised "party phase" wherein I went to 3 or 4 "bar reviews". Yes, that was partying... to me.
6.) Did you wear glasses?
Still contacts.
7.) Who were your best friend(s):
In November '04, it was probably Hil. The whole law school gang was still semi-tight then, though.
8.) How many tattoos did you have?
Still zilch. I would get dangerously close to upping that by 1 in about 3 months.
9.) How many piercings did you have?
None, and happy that way.
10) What car did you drive?
The one I still drive, an Acura Integra. She's a trooper.
11) Had your heart broken?
Still yes, but not further broken between 2001 and this point.
12.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced:
Single and looking. At the time, I was hilariously looking in a completely silly direction that ultimately turned out great because she's a super friend.
13.) Any Kids?
Only the illegitimate ones.
--------------------Today--------------------
1.) How old are you?
29 years, 9 months, and 30 days.
2.) Where do you work?
At a law firm that I ain't about to name, for legal reasons.
3) Where do you live?
In the Lake Merritt area of Oakland, California.
4.) Do you wear glasses?
Jesus. STILL. CONTACTS.
5) Who is your best friend?
Gotta be the girlfriend.
6.) Do you talk to your old friends?
I try to. I want to do better.
7) How many piercings do you have?
Never did get anything pierced.
8) How many tattoos?
That window sorta passed me by as well. Maybe someday...
9) What kind of car do you have
Same old Acura.
10.) Has your heart been broken?
Not lately.
11)Single/Taken/Married/Divorced:
Taken.
12.)Any Kids?
There's a great kid that I hang out with, but I'm only a fan and not the provider of necessary genetic material.
In three more years, it will be 2010 and spacecars will roam the skyways. I cannot predict what my answers then will be, of course. I do hope to have at least 7 tattoos though. That'll shut the stupid question up.
November 1, 2007
In Rod We Trust
The latest from my GMail spam filter:
"Even if you were not born with a massive rod, you may easily obtain it."
Being the geek that I am, I thought: "An inanimate carbon rod? Sweet."
I know I should be writing substantive, thought-provoking posts. But I'm a busy man, so you get jokes that only I comprehend. Because why have a blog if you can't waste everybody's time?
Yesterday I spent a good portion of my spare time researching doomsday scenarios. I expect it was fallout from the Rumbly we experienced. I am now confident that only a vacuum metastability event can really stop me, since before yesterday I did not know such a thing existed.
So many ways to destroy the universe, so little time.
"Even if you were not born with a massive rod, you may easily obtain it."
Being the geek that I am, I thought: "An inanimate carbon rod? Sweet."
I know I should be writing substantive, thought-provoking posts. But I'm a busy man, so you get jokes that only I comprehend. Because why have a blog if you can't waste everybody's time?
Yesterday I spent a good portion of my spare time researching doomsday scenarios. I expect it was fallout from the Rumbly we experienced. I am now confident that only a vacuum metastability event can really stop me, since before yesterday I did not know such a thing existed.
So many ways to destroy the universe, so little time.
October 30, 2007
Wheeee!
I'm not sure how reported this will be outside of California (since it was only a 5.6) but we had a good ol' quake this evening.
This was easily the biggest one I've felt. Even though it was based out of the San Jose area (roughly 30 minutes south) it shook the building for a good 10/15 noticeable seconds.
California: If The Fires Don't Get You, The Vibrations Will.
This was easily the biggest one I've felt. Even though it was based out of the San Jose area (roughly 30 minutes south) it shook the building for a good 10/15 noticeable seconds.
California: If The Fires Don't Get You, The Vibrations Will.
October 22, 2007
How 'Bout a Little Fire, Scarecrow?
UPDATE 8/23: Seriously on fire again. And no relief expected until Thursday? I don't know too many folks down in the SD these days, but I hope those that continue to live there are doing okay. And not losing their houses.
---
Apparently, my old town is ablaze again.
Longtime readers of this blog, and its previous incarnation, may remember that the same thing happened in 2003 or 2004. Big huge wildfire, school shut down for almost an entire week, and the skies were extraordinary.
If you were expecting the Rapture, that was the time to get down on your knees.
But, it all cleared up. Nobody ascended to heaven and roving bands of demonic hellhounds appeared at levels significantly less than expected. As a burgeoning member of the California legal community, I was pleased with these results, as membership in the California Bar is like having a FasTrak to the inferno.
Still, I can't help but think that the ominous threat of seismic shifting is (maybe) a bit more dangerous than wildfires. The Bay Area's natural catastrophes come with much less warning and, in the worst cases, far more damage.
Knock on wood.
---
Apparently, my old town is ablaze again.
Longtime readers of this blog, and its previous incarnation, may remember that the same thing happened in 2003 or 2004. Big huge wildfire, school shut down for almost an entire week, and the skies were extraordinary.
If you were expecting the Rapture, that was the time to get down on your knees.
But, it all cleared up. Nobody ascended to heaven and roving bands of demonic hellhounds appeared at levels significantly less than expected. As a burgeoning member of the California legal community, I was pleased with these results, as membership in the California Bar is like having a FasTrak to the inferno.
Still, I can't help but think that the ominous threat of seismic shifting is (maybe) a bit more dangerous than wildfires. The Bay Area's natural catastrophes come with much less warning and, in the worst cases, far more damage.
Knock on wood.
October 15, 2007
See?
From some random article I saw on the web:
[With regard to Ashlee Simpson's birthday] ...And because he's Pete Wentz, Simpson's boyfriend Pete Wentz eschewed the usual flowers or thoughtful card, and gave her a particularly Wentz-ian gift for her birthday: Common courtesy. From People:
Except it's not a big deal, you're a douchebag, and people who think this way are pathetic blobs of uselessness.
[With regard to Ashlee Simpson's birthday] ...And because he's Pete Wentz, Simpson's boyfriend Pete Wentz eschewed the usual flowers or thoughtful card, and gave her a particularly Wentz-ian gift for her birthday: Common courtesy. From People:
As A gift to Simpson, Wentz vowed to ignore his cell phone for the entire day. "It's a big deal!" Wentz told PEOPLE the next night. "I'm really attached to it."
Except it's not a big deal, you're a douchebag, and people who think this way are pathetic blobs of uselessness.
October 10, 2007
Time for a Break?
Washingtonpost.com had a headline this morning:
"Clinton Cites Her Resilience"
The first thing I thought was, "Maybe she'll be crit-immune during the general election..."
Then I became sad because not only is that a dorky Warcraft-related thought, it's even dorky compared to other casual Warcraft players.
Methinks I may be embarking on another self-imposed hiatus.
"Clinton Cites Her Resilience"
The first thing I thought was, "Maybe she'll be crit-immune during the general election..."
Then I became sad because not only is that a dorky Warcraft-related thought, it's even dorky compared to other casual Warcraft players.
Methinks I may be embarking on another self-imposed hiatus.
October 9, 2007
This Makes Up For It
Last year at this time, I was proud that the Tigers even made it to the playoffs. Sadly, their September meltdown was insurmountable this time, and they have to sit October out.
It does not bother me because I'm not a crazy person, like, say, Yankees fans. Yankees fans seem to think it is their birthright to have a team in the post-season.
And that is why I was particularly thrilled last night.
Not only because the Yanks are done--though that is about 75% of the reason--but because it was, again, an AL Central team that took them out. You all DO remember last year's Yankee-destroying AL Central team, right? Right?
Now, I return to my default position: hoping the Red Sox win so that my good friend Adam does not have a stroke.
It does not bother me because I'm not a crazy person, like, say, Yankees fans. Yankees fans seem to think it is their birthright to have a team in the post-season.
And that is why I was particularly thrilled last night.
Not only because the Yanks are done--though that is about 75% of the reason--but because it was, again, an AL Central team that took them out. You all DO remember last year's Yankee-destroying AL Central team, right? Right?
Now, I return to my default position: hoping the Red Sox win so that my good friend Adam does not have a stroke.
October 8, 2007
Dear Chelsey [sic],
Some spam I got today (Gmail caught it, but I check anyway just in case):
And now, a critical analysis of "Letter from Chelsey, 10/7/07".
First of all, nobody spells "Chelsea" like that, do they? But maybe that's to get around the aforementioned spam filter.
Two: "that dating site". The odds are fairly good that the recipient of spam is registered, either now or in the past, at some dating site. Wouldn't it be more convincing to put "Match.com" or "eHarmony", even if you end up missing the mark in some cases?
If you have a loving boyfriend working 16 hour days, I bet he is doing that because he wants to be financially stable. For you! It's pretty bitchy of you to seek out "sex on the side" (and yikes, what a terrible way to phrase it) in this particular instance. Your come-on would be more tempting if you were less of a jerk.
So, in the interests of receiving more entertaining spam email, I propose the following changes:
Isn't that slightly better? If I were on Match.com, and active, this would have at least a marginal shot at convincing me to "click further". Better than chelsey's bordeline-illiterate missive, anyway.
My name is chelsey. I found your email on that dating site.
I also love sex on the side. I have a loving partner but he is working 16 hours a day and we have sex only once a week.
If you are interested and wanna see my pictures just email me at (whocares).
Don`t reply, use the email above (my boyfriend doesn't know about that email!)
And now, a critical analysis of "Letter from Chelsey, 10/7/07".
First of all, nobody spells "Chelsea" like that, do they? But maybe that's to get around the aforementioned spam filter.
Two: "that dating site". The odds are fairly good that the recipient of spam is registered, either now or in the past, at some dating site. Wouldn't it be more convincing to put "Match.com" or "eHarmony", even if you end up missing the mark in some cases?
If you have a loving boyfriend working 16 hour days, I bet he is doing that because he wants to be financially stable. For you! It's pretty bitchy of you to seek out "sex on the side" (and yikes, what a terrible way to phrase it) in this particular instance. Your come-on would be more tempting if you were less of a jerk.
So, in the interests of receiving more entertaining spam email, I propose the following changes:
Hi! My name is Chelsea, and I found your profile on Match.com but couldn't send you a message through their system.
Here's the thing: your picture was very cute, and I am currently trapped in a loveless marriage with a husband that is cheating on me.
I want revenge, and I want some physical interaction with someone who doesn't smell like cheap perfume from "working late at the office".
Let me know if you're up for it. My email is (whatever).
Isn't that slightly better? If I were on Match.com, and active, this would have at least a marginal shot at convincing me to "click further". Better than chelsey's bordeline-illiterate missive, anyway.
October 4, 2007
Crazy Old Man Rant
You know what bugs me?
Cell phones.
Haha! But seriously, not just their existence (which I tend to appreciate) but the way they've altered how we "do things."
Going out used to be more fun. You get people together, you call them beforehand and tell them where you'll be at, and then once you go, that's it. You're now into the doing stage, and out of the planning stage.
Here's the setting: you and a bunch of friends meet up at some bar on Friday night. You're all sitting around the table, or standing by the bar, chatting it up. Invariably, at least half of those people (nowadays) are texting other people at the same time.
This bugs me. When I go out, I go out and I commit to the occasion. I certainly don't sit around waiting for a better offer to arrive via electronic communication, and in almost every case I do not have back-and-forth text message conversations with persons not present.
Now, I'm not an ogre. I like that people can find out where you are, or get directions, or even send you a funny cell phone picture from where they are. Hooray technology! But it doesn't mean we should all mentally check out from where we're physically present.
Too often I see this. Is it a constant need for attention that just hanging out doesn't fill? Is it a dissatisfaction with the people present? Some combination of the two, plus other factors?
This is probably a very personal pet peeve of mine, and unnoticed in the general population. It may be related to my dislike of bar-hopping--I never see a bar as "dead" because I'm usually not looking for life outside of what I brought into the place. It's almost certainly related to the diminished sense of self-worth that becomes implied when somebody you're hanging out with is devoting a substantial amount of time trying to figure out how to improve the social interaction.
Or I'm just a crank at the young age of 29. Yeah, that may be it.
Cell phones.
Haha! But seriously, not just their existence (which I tend to appreciate) but the way they've altered how we "do things."
Going out used to be more fun. You get people together, you call them beforehand and tell them where you'll be at, and then once you go, that's it. You're now into the doing stage, and out of the planning stage.
Here's the setting: you and a bunch of friends meet up at some bar on Friday night. You're all sitting around the table, or standing by the bar, chatting it up. Invariably, at least half of those people (nowadays) are texting other people at the same time.
This bugs me. When I go out, I go out and I commit to the occasion. I certainly don't sit around waiting for a better offer to arrive via electronic communication, and in almost every case I do not have back-and-forth text message conversations with persons not present.
Now, I'm not an ogre. I like that people can find out where you are, or get directions, or even send you a funny cell phone picture from where they are. Hooray technology! But it doesn't mean we should all mentally check out from where we're physically present.
Too often I see this. Is it a constant need for attention that just hanging out doesn't fill? Is it a dissatisfaction with the people present? Some combination of the two, plus other factors?
This is probably a very personal pet peeve of mine, and unnoticed in the general population. It may be related to my dislike of bar-hopping--I never see a bar as "dead" because I'm usually not looking for life outside of what I brought into the place. It's almost certainly related to the diminished sense of self-worth that becomes implied when somebody you're hanging out with is devoting a substantial amount of time trying to figure out how to improve the social interaction.
Or I'm just a crank at the young age of 29. Yeah, that may be it.
September 24, 2007
Hooray for Tagging Goodness
BU tossed me a tag, and while my first inclination as a registered California voter is to be struck blind by his request for an Ah-nold presidency, I submit. The bold terms are mine, if you're having trouble understanding. Also, because I can't help it, I appended notes to some of them.
1) In a perfect world, we'd never have to hear another word from James Dobson. (note: Jack Thompson is an awesome choice, though).
2) In a perfect world, Al Gore would be president and the entirety of the Bush Administration would have never discovered politics. (I know it's obvious, but any other answer would feel incomplete.)
3) In a perfect world, all education would be free.
4) In a perfect world, GWAR would give free concerts every night members of the Christian Coalition would be forced to be their roadies. (This was tough because it was really hard to improve upon BU's answer)
5) In a perfect world, the highest paid job would be mine and benefits would include immortality. Suffer my wrath, puny mortals!
6) In a perfect world, I'd be able to go into any Court in the nation with no guilt or fear. Mostly fear.
7) In a perfect world, punching people who can't drive in the nuts wouldn't be a crime but almost nothing would have a much harsher sentence (like death). I don't believe in the death penalty, suckas!
8) In a perfect world, there wouldn't be traffic because everyone was too busy chilling the f*** out. This, um, seems to contradict my "punching people in the nuts" policy from #7.
9) In a perfect world, The Office would air a new episode every night.
10) A perfect world would require me to be sent to another planet.
1) In a perfect world, we'd never have to hear another word from James Dobson. (note: Jack Thompson is an awesome choice, though).
2) In a perfect world, Al Gore would be president and the entirety of the Bush Administration would have never discovered politics. (I know it's obvious, but any other answer would feel incomplete.)
3) In a perfect world, all education would be free.
4) In a perfect world, GWAR would give free concerts every night members of the Christian Coalition would be forced to be their roadies. (This was tough because it was really hard to improve upon BU's answer)
5) In a perfect world, the highest paid job would be mine and benefits would include immortality. Suffer my wrath, puny mortals!
6) In a perfect world, I'd be able to go into any Court in the nation with no guilt or fear. Mostly fear.
7) In a perfect world, punching people who can't drive in the nuts wouldn't be a crime but almost nothing would have a much harsher sentence (like death). I don't believe in the death penalty, suckas!
8) In a perfect world, there wouldn't be traffic because everyone was too busy chilling the f*** out. This, um, seems to contradict my "punching people in the nuts" policy from #7.
9) In a perfect world, The Office would air a new episode every night.
10) A perfect world would require me to be sent to another planet.
September 20, 2007
Movie Remembering
Editor's Note: Saw this in my drafts; why didn't it get posted? Did it? Well, here ya go anyway...
...
With the count now more than halfway to 1100, I've still seen a lot of movies. I can remember almost every detail about some of my favorites--with maybe 2 viewings of Raising Arizona, for the little details, I bet I could recite the entire movie from beginning to end--and lots of the details about some of my most despised.*
*New entry from last night: Poseidon, which was on my Netflix list why?
But there's a category of movies that are simply... forgettable. This isn't a knock on the movie, necessarily; action and horror movies are probably best served by this trait, when they have it. It just means that once you leave, it only takes a few hours (or a good night's sleep) to wipe all but the most integral plot points from you mind. "Well, there were two people who were married and also spies for rival organizations... but I don't remember what happens in the middle."
Mr. & Mrs. Smith was definitely entertaining. I even own it on DVD (it was a bargain) but I'm still a little fuzzy on what happens in that movie. Same goes for the Bourne movies (3rd one unseen) -- the 2nd one was cool, but lord knows I can't recall how they shoehorned Julia Stiles back into the series.
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing; nobody is saying these movies are Best Picture material, but they certainly serve their purpose.
On the other hand, some movies that maybe were made with Oscar in mind, also fall into this category. Those movies are in trouble, in my book. For instance, I had to be reminded today that Mystic River even existed. This was a Good Movie largely because the acting by some of the characters was superb. But acting is tough to remember, and the plot (dead daughter, right?) is completely vague in my head. Sure enough, it won best acting awards (Penn--I disagree--and Robbins) but didn't win any others.
It's possible that this is only the case because I'm getting old and have seen1,054 1,066 movies. Maybe it's my brain that can't remember, and not the movies fault?
Nah. It's the movies. I have a mind like steel trap.
...
With the count now more than halfway to 1100, I've still seen a lot of movies. I can remember almost every detail about some of my favorites--with maybe 2 viewings of Raising Arizona, for the little details, I bet I could recite the entire movie from beginning to end--and lots of the details about some of my most despised.*
*New entry from last night: Poseidon, which was on my Netflix list why?
But there's a category of movies that are simply... forgettable. This isn't a knock on the movie, necessarily; action and horror movies are probably best served by this trait, when they have it. It just means that once you leave, it only takes a few hours (or a good night's sleep) to wipe all but the most integral plot points from you mind. "Well, there were two people who were married and also spies for rival organizations... but I don't remember what happens in the middle."
Mr. & Mrs. Smith was definitely entertaining. I even own it on DVD (it was a bargain) but I'm still a little fuzzy on what happens in that movie. Same goes for the Bourne movies (3rd one unseen) -- the 2nd one was cool, but lord knows I can't recall how they shoehorned Julia Stiles back into the series.
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing; nobody is saying these movies are Best Picture material, but they certainly serve their purpose.
On the other hand, some movies that maybe were made with Oscar in mind, also fall into this category. Those movies are in trouble, in my book. For instance, I had to be reminded today that Mystic River even existed. This was a Good Movie largely because the acting by some of the characters was superb. But acting is tough to remember, and the plot (dead daughter, right?) is completely vague in my head. Sure enough, it won best acting awards (Penn--I disagree--and Robbins) but didn't win any others.
It's possible that this is only the case because I'm getting old and have seen
Nah. It's the movies. I have a mind like steel trap.
September 18, 2007
A New Godwin's Law?
There is an entertaining maxim about online discussion forums called Godwin's Law. It states, basically, that as an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.
That is to say, comparing something/someone to Hitler is basically signaling that you've checked out of the argument and are done making any real point.
I think there may be a new version of this law descending upon cyberspace. To paraphrase Godwin, it is that as an online discussion continues, the probability that someone will demand that you "read the Constitution" and/or "the Federalist Papers*".
Now, I'm a big fan of both sources. After all, if you're debating rights and governmental privilege and whathaveyou, the Constitution is pretty important.
But "read the Constitution" is such a stupid request that it pretty much kills the debate. There have been millions of scholars, writers, legislators, and armchair constitutionalists examining our government's founding documents, for more than 200 years. They have read it. Many know it by heart. And I would venture that even the most myopic among them would not assert that the Constitution is clear and unimpeachable in every aspect.
So there you are. If you argue about politics or policy, and someone tells you to go read the Constitution, you know the debate has ended (and, probably, you won).**
*The Federalist Papers are what people demand you read when they believe themselves to be experts in Constitutional law. Because nobody reads the Federalist Papers and those that do know they can be as open-ended in interpretation as the Constitution, with the added bonus of holding no legal weight whatsoever.
**Like Godwin's Law, there is an exception: if the person you are arguing with insists that, say, the freedom to assemble is in the 22nd Amendment, this is a reasonable response. However it would be easier to simply quote the Constitution, rather than direct others to it (and, ostensibly, away from the debate that you are apparently losing).
The Hitler comparison can also be used in very specific settings, such as comparing German leaders circa 1915-1950. That's pretty much it, though.
That is to say, comparing something/someone to Hitler is basically signaling that you've checked out of the argument and are done making any real point.
I think there may be a new version of this law descending upon cyberspace. To paraphrase Godwin, it is that as an online discussion continues, the probability that someone will demand that you "read the Constitution" and/or "the Federalist Papers*".
Now, I'm a big fan of both sources. After all, if you're debating rights and governmental privilege and whathaveyou, the Constitution is pretty important.
But "read the Constitution" is such a stupid request that it pretty much kills the debate. There have been millions of scholars, writers, legislators, and armchair constitutionalists examining our government's founding documents, for more than 200 years. They have read it. Many know it by heart. And I would venture that even the most myopic among them would not assert that the Constitution is clear and unimpeachable in every aspect.
So there you are. If you argue about politics or policy, and someone tells you to go read the Constitution, you know the debate has ended (and, probably, you won).**
*The Federalist Papers are what people demand you read when they believe themselves to be experts in Constitutional law. Because nobody reads the Federalist Papers and those that do know they can be as open-ended in interpretation as the Constitution, with the added bonus of holding no legal weight whatsoever.
**Like Godwin's Law, there is an exception: if the person you are arguing with insists that, say, the freedom to assemble is in the 22nd Amendment, this is a reasonable response. However it would be easier to simply quote the Constitution, rather than direct others to it (and, ostensibly, away from the debate that you are apparently losing).
The Hitler comparison can also be used in very specific settings, such as comparing German leaders circa 1915-1950. That's pretty much it, though.
September 12, 2007
This Will Interest Maybe One of You
I saw this link (be aware, it is a 6-year-old Atlantic article and is quite long) at the very end of a funny (as always) post by Ms. Smartypants. It's a rather acerbic look at what people consider to be "great modern literature". While it is quite damning in parts, I had to say that I, in large part, agree with the sentiment.
I have only read a few of the books cited -- the author focuses mainly on three types of modern prose and three authors in particular -- but the sentiment struck a chord. Why does "great literature" have to be so densely written and, as is often the case, logically incomprehensible? If you want to wax poetic, there is an entire ocean of writing in which to swim: poetry! Metaphors and colorful descriptions that, while singularly lovely, add nothing to the narrative but allow the author to remind the reader how gifted he or she is at crafting a sentence.
Of course, I am not a literary critic by any means. The last book I started reading was stolen (along with my car, last Friday. God damn it.) but I want to read more, and articles like this one make me feel better about reading "genre" books instead of slogging through something like All the Pretty Horses again. And, as noted above, the article is 6 years old and so may not apply as much to today's literary climate.
I have only read a few of the books cited -- the author focuses mainly on three types of modern prose and three authors in particular -- but the sentiment struck a chord. Why does "great literature" have to be so densely written and, as is often the case, logically incomprehensible? If you want to wax poetic, there is an entire ocean of writing in which to swim: poetry! Metaphors and colorful descriptions that, while singularly lovely, add nothing to the narrative but allow the author to remind the reader how gifted he or she is at crafting a sentence.
Of course, I am not a literary critic by any means. The last book I started reading was stolen (along with my car, last Friday. God damn it.) but I want to read more, and articles like this one make me feel better about reading "genre" books instead of slogging through something like All the Pretty Horses again. And, as noted above, the article is 6 years old and so may not apply as much to today's literary climate.
September 11, 2007
The Most Profound Thought of September 11, 2007, Is As Follows:
Eating a sandwich with both pickles and cucumbers is disturbing on exactly 3 levels.
September 6, 2007
You Know You Like Them
This one is courtesy of the mouse.
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. What does it say?
"[it would have wrenched his] soul to have Ethan chosen last for any team. "Why?" Sarah [had asked.]
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What's there?
The frame of the window.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Something called "Between the Lions" (I think).
4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
11:25 a.m.
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11:24 a.m. The magic of billable hours makes me pretty good at that game.
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The copier, faintly, and a hum outside which may or may not be a rooftop a/c unit.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
This morning. Walking from parking to Starbucks.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
The Guebara v. Allstate case opinion.
9. What are you wearing?
Pants and a shirt. I'm at work, yo.
10. Did you dream last night?
Probably, but I don't remember any of it.
11. When did you last laugh?
About 5 minutes ago when talking about the upcoming Detroit Lions season.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Zilch. I should probably hang up some stuff in here.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
In person? Not really. But this was pretty weird.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Better than average.
15. What is the last film you saw?
Clerks II--wait, that wasn't a "film". I saw the Nanny Diar... that might not be one either. The Bourne Ultimatum?
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Honestly? The thrill of paying off all my debts in one day would be enough to keep me happy for at least a week of millionaire-ness.
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I don't know who you are so that's a tough request. How about that my neck is all stiff and pained from sleeping bad on Tuesday night.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
This is a tougher question than I think it means to be. I feel like any change I would make would have a negative effect because it was made via "magic" and not through the efforts of actual people. We need to make the changes ourselves, not hope for some benevolent deity/millionaire/dictator to bestow them upon us.
19. Do you like to dance?
In public? No.
20. George Bush: .....
Utter, abject failure.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Natasha
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Henry
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Sure. It'd give me serious stress but I've learned to play through my own neuroses.
24. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates?
Wouldn't a better question be, what do you want God to say to you? Because I think I'd say, "Wow, you're really here, with pearly gates? Seriously? How do I know this is a legit operation?"
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. What does it say?
"[it would have wrenched his] soul to have Ethan chosen last for any team. "Why?" Sarah [had asked.]
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What's there?
The frame of the window.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Something called "Between the Lions" (I think).
4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
11:25 a.m.
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11:24 a.m. The magic of billable hours makes me pretty good at that game.
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The copier, faintly, and a hum outside which may or may not be a rooftop a/c unit.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
This morning. Walking from parking to Starbucks.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
The Guebara v. Allstate case opinion.
9. What are you wearing?
Pants and a shirt. I'm at work, yo.
10. Did you dream last night?
Probably, but I don't remember any of it.
11. When did you last laugh?
About 5 minutes ago when talking about the upcoming Detroit Lions season.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Zilch. I should probably hang up some stuff in here.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
In person? Not really. But this was pretty weird.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Better than average.
15. What is the last film you saw?
Clerks II--wait, that wasn't a "film". I saw the Nanny Diar... that might not be one either. The Bourne Ultimatum?
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Honestly? The thrill of paying off all my debts in one day would be enough to keep me happy for at least a week of millionaire-ness.
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I don't know who you are so that's a tough request. How about that my neck is all stiff and pained from sleeping bad on Tuesday night.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
This is a tougher question than I think it means to be. I feel like any change I would make would have a negative effect because it was made via "magic" and not through the efforts of actual people. We need to make the changes ourselves, not hope for some benevolent deity/millionaire/dictator to bestow them upon us.
19. Do you like to dance?
In public? No.
20. George Bush: .....
Utter, abject failure.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Natasha
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Henry
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Sure. It'd give me serious stress but I've learned to play through my own neuroses.
24. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates?
Wouldn't a better question be, what do you want God to say to you? Because I think I'd say, "Wow, you're really here, with pearly gates? Seriously? How do I know this is a legit operation?"
August 30, 2007
15 days
I was on a mini-whirlwind of posting for a little bit there, but then the interesting commentary dried up. I have another boring (for you) Q&A in the pipe but I figured I should break it up with a real post.
Except there's not much to say. Nothing for the blog, anyway.
They're closing the Bay Bridge for the 3-day weekend for repairs. This happened last year, and overall is a good idea (there is, astoundingly, less traffic during this weekend than any other) but it inconveniences me because my special lady friend lives on the other side. Perhaps we will each go to our respective shorelines and call out longingly. Or take BART.
Quick hits:
- Michael Vick is sort of a jerk, in general, but he seems to be taking his punishment like a man. Good.
- Goddamn Tigers take 3 of 4 against the Yankees, and then LOSE their next series against a veritable titan of baseball: the Kansas City Royals. Jesus H in a sidecar.
- I am going to have get admitted to the federal court for the Northern District of California. That shit costs $210 man! Whatever.
- Apocalypto is not as incomprehensible as I was expecting. Lacked punch at the end, though.
- How many times have I Alt-TAB'd away from my browser looking for something that is in another tab in the same browser? I have got to learn to use Ctrl-TAB. It just feels so unnatural.
Except there's not much to say. Nothing for the blog, anyway.
They're closing the Bay Bridge for the 3-day weekend for repairs. This happened last year, and overall is a good idea (there is, astoundingly, less traffic during this weekend than any other) but it inconveniences me because my special lady friend lives on the other side. Perhaps we will each go to our respective shorelines and call out longingly. Or take BART.
Quick hits:
- Michael Vick is sort of a jerk, in general, but he seems to be taking his punishment like a man. Good.
- Goddamn Tigers take 3 of 4 against the Yankees, and then LOSE their next series against a veritable titan of baseball: the Kansas City Royals. Jesus H in a sidecar.
- I am going to have get admitted to the federal court for the Northern District of California. That shit costs $210 man! Whatever.
- Apocalypto is not as incomprehensible as I was expecting. Lacked punch at the end, though.
- How many times have I Alt-TAB'd away from my browser looking for something that is in another tab in the same browser? I have got to learn to use Ctrl-TAB. It just feels so unnatural.
August 15, 2007
Stolen Stuffs
Everybody loves it when I do these, right? Well, too bad, I'm doing it anyhow. I'm fairly certain it is about twice as fun for me to write than it is for you to read, but oh well. Suck it up.
1. I've come to realize the last person who held my hand...
was my girlfriend. I don't generally hold hands with strangers. Generally.
2. I am listening to...
Nothing except NPR because I can't find my iPod cable.
3. I talk...
too much, or not enough, depending on the situation.
4. I feel...
like having a burrito for lunch.
5. My best friend(s)...
live pretty far away, and it sort of bugs me.
6. I have decided...
to run a 5 or 10k.
7. I hate it when people...
don't use their turn signals.
8. Love is...
complicated until it's not.
9. Marriage is...
not the same as a civil union.
10. Someone, somewhere is thinking...
that this question reminds me of that "Right Now" video by Van Halen.
11. I'm always...
hungry.
12. More than anything, I want...
to be financially stable.
13. My cell phone...
is... on? I don't really know what you're looking for here.
14. When I wake up in the morning...
I alternate between getting up immediately, and completely blowing it.
15. Before I go to bed at night....
I lay down. This may come as a surprise to those of you that think I sleep suspended by my feet from the ceiling, draining the blood from the body of some unlucky traveler, but it's true.
16. Right now I am thinking about...
getting something done at work. What that is, I have no idea yet.
17. Babies are...
a necessity when long-term species viability is desired.
18. I get on MySpace...
to stalk people I vaguely remember from high school. I'm not proud.
19. Today I...
believe it is Thursday.
20. Tonight I will...
work late because I gots projects, son.
21. Tomorrow I will...
go to work again, and feel sad that I have to do work on Saturday too.
22. I really want...
another chai tea from Starbucks, but I can't have one.
I'm deleting the rest of this series because they are terribly lame, and seem inappropriate given my advanced, non-high school age. You can see what they were here, though, which is where I stole them from.
1. I've come to realize the last person who held my hand...
was my girlfriend. I don't generally hold hands with strangers. Generally.
2. I am listening to...
Nothing except NPR because I can't find my iPod cable.
3. I talk...
too much, or not enough, depending on the situation.
4. I feel...
like having a burrito for lunch.
5. My best friend(s)...
live pretty far away, and it sort of bugs me.
6. I have decided...
to run a 5 or 10k.
7. I hate it when people...
don't use their turn signals.
8. Love is...
complicated until it's not.
9. Marriage is...
not the same as a civil union.
10. Someone, somewhere is thinking...
that this question reminds me of that "Right Now" video by Van Halen.
11. I'm always...
hungry.
12. More than anything, I want...
to be financially stable.
13. My cell phone...
is... on? I don't really know what you're looking for here.
14. When I wake up in the morning...
I alternate between getting up immediately, and completely blowing it.
15. Before I go to bed at night....
I lay down. This may come as a surprise to those of you that think I sleep suspended by my feet from the ceiling, draining the blood from the body of some unlucky traveler, but it's true.
16. Right now I am thinking about...
getting something done at work. What that is, I have no idea yet.
17. Babies are...
a necessity when long-term species viability is desired.
18. I get on MySpace...
to stalk people I vaguely remember from high school. I'm not proud.
19. Today I...
believe it is Thursday.
20. Tonight I will...
work late because I gots projects, son.
21. Tomorrow I will...
go to work again, and feel sad that I have to do work on Saturday too.
22. I really want...
another chai tea from Starbucks, but I can't have one.
I'm deleting the rest of this series because they are terribly lame, and seem inappropriate given my advanced, non-high school age. You can see what they were here, though, which is where I stole them from.
August 13, 2007
AdSense?
I was monkeying around with Google's AdSense (more out of curiosity than a desire or expectation of actual money) but I can't get the bastard to work.
Since I'm fairly certain Google actually owns Blogger, what the hell is going on? I paste in the code like magic and nothing. I have forgotten most of what I ever knew about scripting but this is bugging the hell out of me.
Darn! I had a whopping $0.03 coming my way, I'm sure!
Since I'm fairly certain Google actually owns Blogger, what the hell is going on? I paste in the code like magic and nothing. I have forgotten most of what I ever knew about scripting but this is bugging the hell out of me.
Darn! I had a whopping $0.03 coming my way, I'm sure!
August 8, 2007
Underwhelmed
One of the benefits to dating a woman who has a 6-year-old daughter is that the odds that I will have seen the latest craptastic kid-movie is much higher than it would normally be. This is okay by me, not only because the two of us see a great many movies on our own as well, but because sometimes there are some movies that are actually halfway decent, or dare I say, good. Like Ratatouille.
This is not about Ratatouille.
Underdog does not have a special place in my heart. I do not remember the cartoon, I do not largely care about flying superhero dogs (this includes Krypto, by the way) because it seems like a waste to give superhuman powers to a creature that lacks opposable thumbs. I am however a fan of the Underdog theme song, so there's that.
Most of the youth-oriented movies I am "forced" to see aren't actually all that bad. I get to avoid the seriously deranged (Happy Feet) and the too-pathetic-even-for-a-kid (Bratz). But I did see Underdog last weekend, and I'm sad to say that it was not good. Even from a "dumb kids' movie" perspective.
First of all, what the hell are Underdog's powers? If you have a superhero movie, you have to explain this. Somehow. They explained where he got them (DNA splicing, and I'll ignore the fact that splicing in eagle DNA would not give a non-winged creature flight) but never what they really were. Strength, to be sure, and flight. And super-hearing and speed -- he flies around the world fast enough to catch a frisbee from the opposite direction. That's seriously fast.
But then, Underdog uses his skills in wildly incongruous ways. He seems to be invulnerable -- he can survive a fall from high-Earth orbit -- but 4 sticks of dynamite seem to scare him off. I am not a physicist, but I am pretty sure that if you can survive the extreme stresses of atmospheric reentry, a bundle of TNT isn't going to faze you. The writers routinely seemed to forget what their creation was capable of solely to make cheap (and incredibly lame) jokes.
This may seem like much ado about nothing. It IS a kid's movie, after all. But to me, the most serious violation of a science fiction or fantasy work is when said work violates its own rules. You have to play in the fake universe you create--failing to do so means not only have you made a poorly-scripted and plot-hole-ridden movie, but it's undeniably stupid to boot.
And what the hell happened to Jason Lee? I think I liked him better when he was just a Kevin Smith misanthrope.
This is not about Ratatouille.
Underdog does not have a special place in my heart. I do not remember the cartoon, I do not largely care about flying superhero dogs (this includes Krypto, by the way) because it seems like a waste to give superhuman powers to a creature that lacks opposable thumbs. I am however a fan of the Underdog theme song, so there's that.
Most of the youth-oriented movies I am "forced" to see aren't actually all that bad. I get to avoid the seriously deranged (Happy Feet) and the too-pathetic-even-for-a-kid (Bratz). But I did see Underdog last weekend, and I'm sad to say that it was not good. Even from a "dumb kids' movie" perspective.
First of all, what the hell are Underdog's powers? If you have a superhero movie, you have to explain this. Somehow. They explained where he got them (DNA splicing, and I'll ignore the fact that splicing in eagle DNA would not give a non-winged creature flight) but never what they really were. Strength, to be sure, and flight. And super-hearing and speed -- he flies around the world fast enough to catch a frisbee from the opposite direction. That's seriously fast.
But then, Underdog uses his skills in wildly incongruous ways. He seems to be invulnerable -- he can survive a fall from high-Earth orbit -- but 4 sticks of dynamite seem to scare him off. I am not a physicist, but I am pretty sure that if you can survive the extreme stresses of atmospheric reentry, a bundle of TNT isn't going to faze you. The writers routinely seemed to forget what their creation was capable of solely to make cheap (and incredibly lame) jokes.
This may seem like much ado about nothing. It IS a kid's movie, after all. But to me, the most serious violation of a science fiction or fantasy work is when said work violates its own rules. You have to play in the fake universe you create--failing to do so means not only have you made a poorly-scripted and plot-hole-ridden movie, but it's undeniably stupid to boot.
And what the hell happened to Jason Lee? I think I liked him better when he was just a Kevin Smith misanthrope.
August 2, 2007
Fast Break!
I saw Harry Potter Number 5 on Saturday. I also bought a couch. They were both darker than I expected. I was happy to see that the director toned down the angsty teenageness of Harry from the book. It's the last Harry Potter book I've read (two behind!) and the reason was that Harry was so bloody annoying. "Boo hoo, nobody likes me, even my friends." What a pain in the ass.
Those Cingular commercials, where the people get dropped calls right before a big revelation or response? Those are funny. What's really funny is that I have Cingular, and while it's true they don't drop calls much, I have a helluva time even making a call at least 40% of the time. So there's a fun twist.
I had to select a primary care physician for my health insurance here at work. I have no idea how to do that, so I just picked one with a good doctor-sounding name: "Birnbaum". I will probably go in for a physical at some point, since it has been 5+ years since my last. Strong like bull!
Everybody is popping out kids and getting married! You know who you are. Congrats to all on the impending nuptials/squalling infants. I am not doing either at this time and that is fine by me. It was hard enough to pick out a damn couch.
I have not seen The Simpsons movie yet. This pains me. But I did check the total scores from my Movie List today and it turns out I've seen 70 movies from 2005. I attribute this largely to my severe unemployment during 2006, which allowed a great deal of Netflixing to occur. My list may be faltering because it indicates only 17 movies in '07, and I think that 7 months in (the sevens are starting to freak me out...) that is on the low side.
I haven't read a really great book in awhile. Nothing worth mentioning. I will dig some out from the books my mom gave us while in Michigan and see if something interesting appears.
Those Cingular commercials, where the people get dropped calls right before a big revelation or response? Those are funny. What's really funny is that I have Cingular, and while it's true they don't drop calls much, I have a helluva time even making a call at least 40% of the time. So there's a fun twist.
I had to select a primary care physician for my health insurance here at work. I have no idea how to do that, so I just picked one with a good doctor-sounding name: "Birnbaum". I will probably go in for a physical at some point, since it has been 5+ years since my last. Strong like bull!
Everybody is popping out kids and getting married! You know who you are. Congrats to all on the impending nuptials/squalling infants. I am not doing either at this time and that is fine by me. It was hard enough to pick out a damn couch.
I have not seen The Simpsons movie yet. This pains me. But I did check the total scores from my Movie List today and it turns out I've seen 70 movies from 2005. I attribute this largely to my severe unemployment during 2006, which allowed a great deal of Netflixing to occur. My list may be faltering because it indicates only 17 movies in '07, and I think that 7 months in (the sevens are starting to freak me out...) that is on the low side.
I haven't read a really great book in awhile. Nothing worth mentioning. I will dig some out from the books my mom gave us while in Michigan and see if something interesting appears.
July 11, 2007
Define "Look"
I heard an ad on the radio this morning (during my new 8-minute commute to work, hooray) for Match.com. The tagline at the end, which I don't think is new but I hadn't heard before, was "It's Okay to Look".
It is? Really? Because I know of at least one person in my life who would disagree, and I bet there are many people out there that would rather their significant others were not browsing online dating sites.
They could mean "look" as in "browse profiles out of sheer boredom and hurl insults at the weird ones," but I'm betting that Match would prefer you looked with at least a kernel of curiousity. And therein lies the breach of trust.
Anyway, I just found it sort of funny. "Match.com: Come find a new significant other. And then replace him/her. Ad infinitum."
It is? Really? Because I know of at least one person in my life who would disagree, and I bet there are many people out there that would rather their significant others were not browsing online dating sites.
They could mean "look" as in "browse profiles out of sheer boredom and hurl insults at the weird ones," but I'm betting that Match would prefer you looked with at least a kernel of curiousity. And therein lies the breach of trust.
Anyway, I just found it sort of funny. "Match.com: Come find a new significant other. And then replace him/her. Ad infinitum."
July 9, 2007
What? Nothing's Happening...
Okay, that's a half-truth. It has been pointed out that nearly a month has elapsed since my last non-post and that perhaps I should get on the ball.
It has been a hectic month, providing both fodder for the blog and sucking away the time required to actually sit down and write a post. Ain't that a bitch?
In the last month, I:
- Moved. Yes, I now live in Oakland, specifically in the Lake Merritt area. It's nice enough, my apartment is a 1-bedroom for the first time ever, and the commute is a dreamy 8 minutes. Downsides include the non-posh "Oakland" in my address, a girlfriend on the other side of the Bay, and a lack of furniture. Those are not in order of downsidedness.
- Had Pneumonia. I do not know how this happened. I did not have a cold, and nobody around me was sick. But one day I was blah, the next I was even worse, and a good doctor told me I had a pneumonia in one of my longs. Seven days of antibiotics later I was fine, if not weak. I am aware that this creates a glaring hole in my "I am injury and disease resistant" theory, but let me point out that pneumonia is the only disease I've ever had (previous bout was in 9th grade). It's like my Achilles' Heel, only it's in my lungs.
- "Lost" My Wallet. The jury is still out on stolen/lost, but since I've NEVER lost my wallet, I'm not so sure it was that. I went to Six Flags here in No' Cal and the next day, could not find the thing. Normally I don't walk more than 50 feet without checking--largely subconsciously--for my wallet, so my doubts are still high that I left it at the park. Still, it is gone. This occurred 1 day before pneumonia, for those keeping score, and man let me tell you how hard it is to get a doctor when all your insurance cards are gone. Also your ATM card.
My sincerest apologies for not updating you all in real time on these fairly significant events. And for being an absent friend to some during the hectic transition of illness/moving. Things are settling back down now, and hopefully the blog can also get back up to speed.
Oh, and I've seen 1408, Ratatouille, Live Free or Die Hard, Evan Almighty, Ocean's Thirteen, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Shrek the Third. They were meh, good, surprisingly good, meh, funnyish, long but okay, and meh. In this reviewer's opinion.
It has been a hectic month, providing both fodder for the blog and sucking away the time required to actually sit down and write a post. Ain't that a bitch?
In the last month, I:
- Moved. Yes, I now live in Oakland, specifically in the Lake Merritt area. It's nice enough, my apartment is a 1-bedroom for the first time ever, and the commute is a dreamy 8 minutes. Downsides include the non-posh "Oakland" in my address, a girlfriend on the other side of the Bay, and a lack of furniture. Those are not in order of downsidedness.
- Had Pneumonia. I do not know how this happened. I did not have a cold, and nobody around me was sick. But one day I was blah, the next I was even worse, and a good doctor told me I had a pneumonia in one of my longs. Seven days of antibiotics later I was fine, if not weak. I am aware that this creates a glaring hole in my "I am injury and disease resistant" theory, but let me point out that pneumonia is the only disease I've ever had (previous bout was in 9th grade). It's like my Achilles' Heel, only it's in my lungs.
- "Lost" My Wallet. The jury is still out on stolen/lost, but since I've NEVER lost my wallet, I'm not so sure it was that. I went to Six Flags here in No' Cal and the next day, could not find the thing. Normally I don't walk more than 50 feet without checking--largely subconsciously--for my wallet, so my doubts are still high that I left it at the park. Still, it is gone. This occurred 1 day before pneumonia, for those keeping score, and man let me tell you how hard it is to get a doctor when all your insurance cards are gone. Also your ATM card.
My sincerest apologies for not updating you all in real time on these fairly significant events. And for being an absent friend to some during the hectic transition of illness/moving. Things are settling back down now, and hopefully the blog can also get back up to speed.
Oh, and I've seen 1408, Ratatouille, Live Free or Die Hard, Evan Almighty, Ocean's Thirteen, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Shrek the Third. They were meh, good, surprisingly good, meh, funnyish, long but okay, and meh. In this reviewer's opinion.
June 14, 2007
This Guy Rules
Over at the Freakonomics Blog, there is a great interview with a "counterintuitive" economist. Among his propositions is the idea that people without STDs should have MORE sex because they increase the pool of disease-free sex partners.
This is probably the best thing I've ever heard, but that may be because implementation would directly benefit me.
Read the specifics (and his other ideas about the legal system and organ donation that I am more skeptical of) over at the blog.
This is probably the best thing I've ever heard, but that may be because implementation would directly benefit me.
Read the specifics (and his other ideas about the legal system and organ donation that I am more skeptical of) over at the blog.
June 13, 2007
Wow and Yikes
I saw Knocked Up last week, and I thought it was pretty good. Very funny (funnier than 40-Year-Old Virgin, in my opinion) and very fun to watch.
Since then, I've run across a number of articles bemoaning or extoling the lack of discussion regarding abortion in the movie. The articles seem to complain either that "abortion isn't considered seriously when this is the exact situation it would be. Boo!" or "abortion isn't chosen and that's a testament to morally upstandingness. Yay!"
(see this Slate article in reference to the former)
Now, I wasn't watching for abortion references or discussion when I first saw the movie. I hadn't even thought about the fact that they'd have to consider one at some point; but I hadn't really thought about Knocked Up at all before I saw it.
But I don't remember either of those positions being taken by the film's director and/or producers. Contrary to some reviews, abortion was discussed; but in keeping with the comedic tone (it IS a comedy) they did so briefly and, I thought, amusingly. They probably could have been funnier, but it's a touchy subject and frankly, not the province of a comedy like this.
What I thought they DID do was imply that the mom-to-be did serious thinking and soul-searching off camera. She consulted with her fairly witchy mother (pointed to by Slate and others as the "evil woman pushing the abortion") and got advice; the stoner's friends also offered their opinions. At the end of the day, though, it went exactly the way abortion should be handled: by the mom and, to a lesser extent, the dad.
I may not be remembering it all 100%. But I do remember a scene in which she tentatively called the dad to tell him she had decided to keep the baby. There is no indication in the movie as to how long it took her to come to this decision; what factors she looked at in deciding, or anything beyond the fact that she made it.
To me, this was perfect. I said it three paragraphs earlier, but this is where the point becomes even more important: the movies is a COMEDY. Even if it does a "disservice" to abortion-rights advocates (or to pro-life advocates), it's not supposed to provide guidance. Even if it were a drama, I doubt it would be able to navigate the complex and politically charged waters of abortion any better. The best a movie can do--and in this, Knocked Up succeeds tremendously--is ignite discussion outside of the theater.
I agree that Knocked Up fails miserably at providing a rational and thorough examination of the difficult decision that expectant mothers must make. But anybody who goes to the movies--any movie--expecting to see that should, well, have their head examined.
Since then, I've run across a number of articles bemoaning or extoling the lack of discussion regarding abortion in the movie. The articles seem to complain either that "abortion isn't considered seriously when this is the exact situation it would be. Boo!" or "abortion isn't chosen and that's a testament to morally upstandingness. Yay!"
(see this Slate article in reference to the former)
Now, I wasn't watching for abortion references or discussion when I first saw the movie. I hadn't even thought about the fact that they'd have to consider one at some point; but I hadn't really thought about Knocked Up at all before I saw it.
But I don't remember either of those positions being taken by the film's director and/or producers. Contrary to some reviews, abortion was discussed; but in keeping with the comedic tone (it IS a comedy) they did so briefly and, I thought, amusingly. They probably could have been funnier, but it's a touchy subject and frankly, not the province of a comedy like this.
What I thought they DID do was imply that the mom-to-be did serious thinking and soul-searching off camera. She consulted with her fairly witchy mother (pointed to by Slate and others as the "evil woman pushing the abortion") and got advice; the stoner's friends also offered their opinions. At the end of the day, though, it went exactly the way abortion should be handled: by the mom and, to a lesser extent, the dad.
I may not be remembering it all 100%. But I do remember a scene in which she tentatively called the dad to tell him she had decided to keep the baby. There is no indication in the movie as to how long it took her to come to this decision; what factors she looked at in deciding, or anything beyond the fact that she made it.
To me, this was perfect. I said it three paragraphs earlier, but this is where the point becomes even more important: the movies is a COMEDY. Even if it does a "disservice" to abortion-rights advocates (or to pro-life advocates), it's not supposed to provide guidance. Even if it were a drama, I doubt it would be able to navigate the complex and politically charged waters of abortion any better. The best a movie can do--and in this, Knocked Up succeeds tremendously--is ignite discussion outside of the theater.
I agree that Knocked Up fails miserably at providing a rational and thorough examination of the difficult decision that expectant mothers must make. But anybody who goes to the movies--any movie--expecting to see that should, well, have their head examined.
June 3, 2007
Summer Weekend of George
This past (past-past, now) weekend was Memorial Day weekend. A three-day bonanza of barbecues, sunshine, and a general welcome to the coming summer months. And, of course, a day of remembrance to those who have died in the line of duty.
Being the good patriot that I am, I participated in none of these activities. The girlfriend was out of town, the roommate was in Wisconsin, and I was free to wallow in my own crapulence.
On Friday night, I worked until 6 or so (around here, that's late; we're pretty laid back that way) and then went home to reheated pizza and video games.
On Saturday, the skies were gray and the weather chilly, so I stayed in pajamas until at least 4 in the afternoon, playing video games and generally achieving as little forward progress as possible. I also watched "In the Bedroom", which has been sitting on my coffee table for almost a month, in an effort to break-up the logjam that is my Netflix queue. It's a fairly intense movie, though having seen it years after it came out, I think it has lost some of its punch. Maybe I'm jaded, but I wanted it to end a bit more realistically. I think it was superbly well-acted (did they win Oscars?) and overall, give it 3.5 out of 5. It would have been 4.5 if the filmmakers had forced a more nuanced and what I bet is a more common outcome (i.e. the non-murderous revenge scenario).
On Sunday, it was more video games. The skies were gray and the weather chilly again. I also did some work, but only half-heartedly, as it was the midpoint of the long-weekend and I wasn't feeling it. I also failed to change from my pajamas the entire day. Wallowing indeed!
Sunday is but a vague memory now, due in large part to the complete lack of achievement on my part. Monday too, except that I did play a rousing game of Scrabble with the downstairs neighbors. Marek won, which is surprising to approximately zero people, but my own personal highlight was convincing everyone that "que" is a word. In English. I even convinced myself (Scrabble tip: it's not.). At one point I had the letters to spell "opaque", which would have netted me something like 40 billing points, but by then there was no room on the board. I suck at Scrabble.
It was a good weekend, overall. This weekend has been more eventful, and in about 10 minutes I'm leaving to go look at a potential new apartment. I do not know Oakland well (I'm at work; the new apartment may be near here, if rents have anything to say about it) but it's in a supposedly nice--not scary--neighborhood.
May 22, 2007
Let's Get Down To It, Then
This whole "fired U.S. Attorneys" thing has got me annoyed beyond belief, and I'll tell you why: the entire thing centers around the attorneys' alleged failure to prosecute voter fraud or corruption cases.
Everybody's arguing back and forth about whether the attorneys can be fired for any reason, whether they should be, how politics plays into, and so forth.
But the real question, one that I haven't seen answered anywhere as of yet, is this: why doesn't anybody point out which obviously fraudulent cases weren't prosecuted correctly?
If there are all these cases of voter fraud being perpetrated (by the Democrats, of course), and the U.S. Attorneys investigated and failed to bring charges, then the attorneys have files on them. Large files, I would imagine. Investigative reports, perhaps even witness testimony. So let's see these miscarriages of justice! Let's see the case files!
I don't think the reasons we haven't seen them is a slam-dunk against the GOP. I would imagine there are many shades of gray in some of the voter fraud cases, and that semi-reasonable people (i.e. politicians) would come down on either side. But I would also imagine that, since the director of the FBI has himself said that there hasn't been a failure to prosecute on any case that he considered valid, the Republicans are full of it.
May 20, 2007
Intensely Thought-Provoking Blog Post
Just kidding! It's another poll! My computer(s) have been acting funky lately and have eaten a couple posts from the last two weeks, so you guys get this, until I can fix it. Or buy a new one.
1. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
My roommate and her boyfriend just made me finish off something called "Chardonnay Port".
2. Do you follow college football?
Just gonna ask at random, huh? No real rhyme or reason? Fine: not really.
3. Who took this survey before you?
My sister and a friend.
4. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
The girlfriend. We text so as not to interrupt the televisioning.
5. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
In a pool? Hmm...probably when I went to Santa Cruz a few months ago.
6. Are you happy?
Been better, but I'm not miserable at the moment. That's saying something after the past few weeks.
7. Where was the last place you went shopping?
Where I bought something, Macy's. Needed another suit. Or maybe just the grocery store.
8. How do you feel about your hair?
What a great question. I'm fine with it.
9. Where do you live?
San Francisco, CA
10. Last thing you ate?
A bunch of Oreos.
11. Do you wish you were some place else right now?
I sort of wish it wasn't Sunday night, but otherwise I'm okay.
12. Last time you kissed someone?
A couple hours ago when the aforementioned GF left.
13. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
I hope not. I have a couple rings. I do not think they are expensive.
14. AIM or MSN?
AIM, but not very often.
15. What classes are you taking now?
Classes? I'm still trying to learn Chinese, but no actual classes these days.
16. How many hours on average do you work a week?
Well I bill about 40 hours. I'm at the office about 50+ to make that happen, though.
17. What's your favorite TV show?
Gots to be The Office right now. Stellar. And then probably Lost, but then after that I don't even know.
18. How many kids do you want?
However many I get. But less than like, 10. I don't want to be that guy.
19. Do you watch the Olympics?
Nope. I am firmly in the "Goddamn it, the Olympics again?" category.
20. Sing in the car?
Frequently.
21. Who was the last person to call you?
Girlfriend. Because of the ending of Desperate Housewives. WTF!
22. What's your sign?
Capricorn. Stubborn as a goat.
23. Do you have a favorite number?
No. I cannot believe we're only at 23. Wait, how about 23? No.
24. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donation?
I keep almost donating to NPR. But then not doing so on account of I am super in debt.
25. What do you spend the majority of your money on?
Paying people back. And then rent, and then Starbucks. Damn Starbucks.
26. Where does most of your family live?
Immediate? Virginia, but not by much. Then Michigan.
28. Ever been called a hoe/slut?
Why would somebody call me that? And isn't it "ho"? Strike one, Anonymous Questionnaire Creator.
29. Ever been called a bitch?
Seriously, I'm not a girl. So yes, frequently, but guys.
30. Got any guilty pleasures?
Warcraft. And then probably sleep.
31. Favorite kind of beer?
Bass Ale, I think.
32. Have you ever experienced true love?
I'm not sure. Which probably means no. But not necessarily.
33. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?
Strike Two, Questionnaire Person. No.
34. Ever bought anything on ebay?
I don't think so, thought today I found a bunch of old G.I. Joes in their original packaging in a thrift store, and I was like "I'm gonna eBay these!" but then I didn't. But I will look it up now and see how that might go.
35. Myspace or Facebook?
Myspace. Facebook is for idiots in college.
36. Yahoo or Gmail?
Gmail. Seriously, Yahoo? Who picks that on purpose?
37. What was your favorite subject in school?
I enjoyed "Communications and the Law". And then pretty much any History class.
38. Do you sometimes wish you were someone else?
If it would make the Student Loan People get off my back, I'd be Hitler.
39. Fall for the bad guys or girls?
Not that I know of. The bad girls don't go for me. So it's never really been an issue.
40. Favorite movie?
I agree with my sister, who basically said this is a stupid question. People who have a "favorite movie", no qualifications necessary, are usually idiots.
41. Last time you saw your parents?
I guess it has been since Christmas. That's alarming though.
42. Do you have any talents?
My thumbs are weird. I'm pretty good at remembering names and birthdays. I can remember a series of 10 digits immediately after hearing them one time. I can fly.
43. Ever been in a wedding?
Yup. Best man to my best bud Jason H.
44. Do you have any children?
Not that I'm aware of.
45. Last movie you watched?
Last night I watched "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues". Wow was that a waste of 102 minutes. But I had just read the book and was curious as to how in the world they'd cinematize it. Short answer: they failed terribly.
By the way, Emily, "I Am Sam" is a stupid movie.
46. Are you missing anyone at the moment?
Sure! Many people.
47. Did you take a nap today?
I don't nap. I gets my sleep at night like a Real Man.
48. What kind of car do you drive?
Acura Integra. I know, I need a new one. Someday.
49. Ever been on a cruise?
Yeah, it was pretty great. Though if I had it to do again, in the same setting (smaller boat, 120+ passengers) I'd go with a significant other (and family, if possible).
50. Favorite vacation spot?
I still think something like the Caribbean would be nice. But I'd really like to see the South Pacific someday.
51. Favorite genre of music?
Rock. Ask a broad, idiotic question, get a blase, useless answer. I cannot believe I'm only half done. On the plus side, this is helping me kill time while I... um... "wait" for The Sopranos.
52. Do you have any hot friends?
Who's asking? Yes.
53. Ever met anyone famous before?
Met, as in spoke to? I don't think so. I know a moderately well-known mixed martial arts ultimate fighting type person, but he is my girlfriend's ex so that may not count. Also "well-known" only if you follow that stuff.
54. Favorite actor?
I like me some John Cusack, about 90% of the time.
55. Favorite Actress?
Zooey Deschanel. She's pretty great. And Natalie Portman, but not because of Star Wars, because yikes.
56. Are you multi-tasking right now?
Nope. Unless you count downloading certain things from certain places because I don't have certain cable channels that play said things on Sunday nights. Ahem.
57. Could you handle being in the military?
Probably parts of it yes, parts of it no. The not questioning orders thing would be my downfall.
58. Are you hungry or thirsty?
A little thirsty, I guess.
59. Favorite fast food restaurant?
You know it's Wendy's, dawg.
60. Favorite Nightclub?
"Nightclub"? The Starlight Lounge. Because, well, I've been there. Which puts it ahead of the other places here in SF.
61. What is your average cell phone bill?
I have no idea. About $40 to $50 I think. It's on auto-pay.
62. Do you own a camera phone?
Yes. It's not bad, actually. Got a great shot from Muir Woods as a background right now.
63. Ever had to take a sobriety test?
Nope. Almost did, this one time at the Harrisonburg Wine Festival (or whatever it was called) but Raf's friend Beth blew first and was fine to drive, so I didn't have to. Ah well. Then, this drunk girl Raf was trying to get with totally started groping me in the car because she thought I was Raf. Good times.
64. Most expensive speeding ticket?
About $90 I believe.
65. Can you speak any other languages?
A wee bit o' French, and I'm learning (slowly) Chinese.
66. Last time you went to the gym & worked out?
At a gym? Literally years. I ran the other day though, down at the beach. Yeah, at the beach. Take that, people-who-live-elsewhere.
67. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Let's see... 2 fancy, 1 semi-good, 1 for running, 1 sandals. Five.
69. Last place you were at?
Yeah, this is an idiotic question. I was "at" the couch and before that "at" my girlfriends and before that "at" the Goodwill.
70. Ever been to Las Vegas?
Yup. Four times, I believe. Not bad, but not entirely my thing. Too poor.
72. Ever been to Mexico for spring break?
Yes. Cancun even. I am not that guy; it was strange, but there were some good tales that came out of it.
73. Have you ever bought a hermit crab?
Why would I do that?
74. Ever deleted a question off of a quiz?
That's not how these go. If you don't like it, you just make fun of it. Or, you know, quit and don't finish.
75. What do you think is your best feature?
Laid-backness. Not a word. Also I'm a pretty hard worker when I want to be.
76. Have you ever been gambling?
I went to Vegas, didn't I? Blackjack is fun.
77. Last show you saw on/off Broadway?
Never seen a show on/off Broadway. Never been to Broadway, for that matter.
78. Ever been deep sea fishing?
Deep lake fishing, yes. But not sea.
79. Do you have your wisdom teeth?
Gone like the dodo.
80. Favorite place to be?
Outside.
81. Have you ever been to New York City?
Can't say that I have. Never really had the opportunity, and now it's 2500+ miles over there ---->.
82. Favorite sit down restaurant?
Not the Olive Garden.
83. Ever been to Disney Land/World?
Yes and yes. Land is a bit small but has a "originality" charm to it. World is sprawling and the attractions a bit more up-to-date and fun.
84. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Scruffy the Janitor.
85. Last thing you cooked?
That I cooked? Hot dogs. Microwaving is cooking right?
86. How is the weather today?
A bit breezy but sunny and nice enough to wear a t-shirt.
87. Do you e-mail?
This has got to be the stupidest question I have ever responded to. Yes.
88. Last letter/piece of mail you received besides junk or a bill?
A completely awesome package from my boy Jason, who sent me the entire run of the X-Men comic book series on two DVDs. HELL YEAH.
89. Favorite store?
Can't say that I have one. Is Amazon.com a store?
90. What's your ideal car?
Something small to mid-size, that has good pickup.
91. Last voicemail you received?
Girlfriend. Yesterday. Nothing today.
92. Do you drunk dial?
Nope. Never seemed like a good idea and I'm rarely drunk, to boot.
93. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
Um, I dropped it once?
95. Favorite band?
I don't know if I have one right now. I like lots of what's out there these days.
96. Last time you were sick?
I don't get sick. For reals, yo.
97. Do you dance?
What I do, they do not call dancing, because it would be a travesty to put it into words as simple as that. Simply put: I exist, therefore there is music. Wrap your brain around THAT.
98. Last concert you went to?
Haven't the slightest. That saddens me greatly.
99. Ready for the weekend?
Yes. Now I'm even sadder. The weekend is 5 days away.
100. What did you do last night?
Watched a movie (Cowgirls, see above) and some of SNL. Weekend Update was pretty funny.
Well that's that. If you made it down here, you need to go ask your boss for some more work because damn, son. I can't believe the show I'm not downloading because it's wrong to do that, isn't done yet. I don't want to stay up till 1...
1. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
My roommate and her boyfriend just made me finish off something called "Chardonnay Port".
2. Do you follow college football?
Just gonna ask at random, huh? No real rhyme or reason? Fine: not really.
3. Who took this survey before you?
My sister and a friend.
4. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
The girlfriend. We text so as not to interrupt the televisioning.
5. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
In a pool? Hmm...probably when I went to Santa Cruz a few months ago.
6. Are you happy?
Been better, but I'm not miserable at the moment. That's saying something after the past few weeks.
7. Where was the last place you went shopping?
Where I bought something, Macy's. Needed another suit. Or maybe just the grocery store.
8. How do you feel about your hair?
What a great question. I'm fine with it.
9. Where do you live?
San Francisco, CA
10. Last thing you ate?
A bunch of Oreos.
11. Do you wish you were some place else right now?
I sort of wish it wasn't Sunday night, but otherwise I'm okay.
12. Last time you kissed someone?
A couple hours ago when the aforementioned GF left.
13. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
I hope not. I have a couple rings. I do not think they are expensive.
14. AIM or MSN?
AIM, but not very often.
15. What classes are you taking now?
Classes? I'm still trying to learn Chinese, but no actual classes these days.
16. How many hours on average do you work a week?
Well I bill about 40 hours. I'm at the office about 50+ to make that happen, though.
17. What's your favorite TV show?
Gots to be The Office right now. Stellar. And then probably Lost, but then after that I don't even know.
18. How many kids do you want?
However many I get. But less than like, 10. I don't want to be that guy.
19. Do you watch the Olympics?
Nope. I am firmly in the "Goddamn it, the Olympics again?" category.
20. Sing in the car?
Frequently.
21. Who was the last person to call you?
Girlfriend. Because of the ending of Desperate Housewives. WTF!
22. What's your sign?
Capricorn. Stubborn as a goat.
23. Do you have a favorite number?
No. I cannot believe we're only at 23. Wait, how about 23? No.
24. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donation?
I keep almost donating to NPR. But then not doing so on account of I am super in debt.
25. What do you spend the majority of your money on?
Paying people back. And then rent, and then Starbucks. Damn Starbucks.
26. Where does most of your family live?
Immediate? Virginia, but not by much. Then Michigan.
28. Ever been called a hoe/slut?
Why would somebody call me that? And isn't it "ho"? Strike one, Anonymous Questionnaire Creator.
29. Ever been called a bitch?
Seriously, I'm not a girl. So yes, frequently, but guys.
30. Got any guilty pleasures?
Warcraft. And then probably sleep.
31. Favorite kind of beer?
Bass Ale, I think.
32. Have you ever experienced true love?
I'm not sure. Which probably means no. But not necessarily.
33. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?
Strike Two, Questionnaire Person. No.
34. Ever bought anything on ebay?
I don't think so, thought today I found a bunch of old G.I. Joes in their original packaging in a thrift store, and I was like "I'm gonna eBay these!" but then I didn't. But I will look it up now and see how that might go.
35. Myspace or Facebook?
Myspace. Facebook is for idiots in college.
36. Yahoo or Gmail?
Gmail. Seriously, Yahoo? Who picks that on purpose?
37. What was your favorite subject in school?
I enjoyed "Communications and the Law". And then pretty much any History class.
38. Do you sometimes wish you were someone else?
If it would make the Student Loan People get off my back, I'd be Hitler.
39. Fall for the bad guys or girls?
Not that I know of. The bad girls don't go for me. So it's never really been an issue.
40. Favorite movie?
I agree with my sister, who basically said this is a stupid question. People who have a "favorite movie", no qualifications necessary, are usually idiots.
41. Last time you saw your parents?
I guess it has been since Christmas. That's alarming though.
42. Do you have any talents?
My thumbs are weird. I'm pretty good at remembering names and birthdays. I can remember a series of 10 digits immediately after hearing them one time. I can fly.
43. Ever been in a wedding?
Yup. Best man to my best bud Jason H.
44. Do you have any children?
Not that I'm aware of.
45. Last movie you watched?
Last night I watched "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues". Wow was that a waste of 102 minutes. But I had just read the book and was curious as to how in the world they'd cinematize it. Short answer: they failed terribly.
By the way, Emily, "I Am Sam" is a stupid movie.
46. Are you missing anyone at the moment?
Sure! Many people.
47. Did you take a nap today?
I don't nap. I gets my sleep at night like a Real Man.
48. What kind of car do you drive?
Acura Integra. I know, I need a new one. Someday.
49. Ever been on a cruise?
Yeah, it was pretty great. Though if I had it to do again, in the same setting (smaller boat, 120+ passengers) I'd go with a significant other (and family, if possible).
50. Favorite vacation spot?
I still think something like the Caribbean would be nice. But I'd really like to see the South Pacific someday.
51. Favorite genre of music?
Rock. Ask a broad, idiotic question, get a blase, useless answer. I cannot believe I'm only half done. On the plus side, this is helping me kill time while I... um... "wait" for The Sopranos.
52. Do you have any hot friends?
Who's asking? Yes.
53. Ever met anyone famous before?
Met, as in spoke to? I don't think so. I know a moderately well-known mixed martial arts ultimate fighting type person, but he is my girlfriend's ex so that may not count. Also "well-known" only if you follow that stuff.
54. Favorite actor?
I like me some John Cusack, about 90% of the time.
55. Favorite Actress?
Zooey Deschanel. She's pretty great. And Natalie Portman, but not because of Star Wars, because yikes.
56. Are you multi-tasking right now?
Nope. Unless you count downloading certain things from certain places because I don't have certain cable channels that play said things on Sunday nights. Ahem.
57. Could you handle being in the military?
Probably parts of it yes, parts of it no. The not questioning orders thing would be my downfall.
58. Are you hungry or thirsty?
A little thirsty, I guess.
59. Favorite fast food restaurant?
You know it's Wendy's, dawg.
60. Favorite Nightclub?
"Nightclub"? The Starlight Lounge. Because, well, I've been there. Which puts it ahead of the other places here in SF.
61. What is your average cell phone bill?
I have no idea. About $40 to $50 I think. It's on auto-pay.
62. Do you own a camera phone?
Yes. It's not bad, actually. Got a great shot from Muir Woods as a background right now.
63. Ever had to take a sobriety test?
Nope. Almost did, this one time at the Harrisonburg Wine Festival (or whatever it was called) but Raf's friend Beth blew first and was fine to drive, so I didn't have to. Ah well. Then, this drunk girl Raf was trying to get with totally started groping me in the car because she thought I was Raf. Good times.
64. Most expensive speeding ticket?
About $90 I believe.
65. Can you speak any other languages?
A wee bit o' French, and I'm learning (slowly) Chinese.
66. Last time you went to the gym & worked out?
At a gym? Literally years. I ran the other day though, down at the beach. Yeah, at the beach. Take that, people-who-live-elsewhere.
67. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Let's see... 2 fancy, 1 semi-good, 1 for running, 1 sandals. Five.
69. Last place you were at?
Yeah, this is an idiotic question. I was "at" the couch and before that "at" my girlfriends and before that "at" the Goodwill.
70. Ever been to Las Vegas?
Yup. Four times, I believe. Not bad, but not entirely my thing. Too poor.
72. Ever been to Mexico for spring break?
Yes. Cancun even. I am not that guy; it was strange, but there were some good tales that came out of it.
73. Have you ever bought a hermit crab?
Why would I do that?
74. Ever deleted a question off of a quiz?
That's not how these go. If you don't like it, you just make fun of it. Or, you know, quit and don't finish.
75. What do you think is your best feature?
Laid-backness. Not a word. Also I'm a pretty hard worker when I want to be.
76. Have you ever been gambling?
I went to Vegas, didn't I? Blackjack is fun.
77. Last show you saw on/off Broadway?
Never seen a show on/off Broadway. Never been to Broadway, for that matter.
78. Ever been deep sea fishing?
Deep lake fishing, yes. But not sea.
79. Do you have your wisdom teeth?
Gone like the dodo.
80. Favorite place to be?
Outside.
81. Have you ever been to New York City?
Can't say that I have. Never really had the opportunity, and now it's 2500+ miles over there ---->.
82. Favorite sit down restaurant?
Not the Olive Garden.
83. Ever been to Disney Land/World?
Yes and yes. Land is a bit small but has a "originality" charm to it. World is sprawling and the attractions a bit more up-to-date and fun.
84. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Scruffy the Janitor.
85. Last thing you cooked?
That I cooked? Hot dogs. Microwaving is cooking right?
86. How is the weather today?
A bit breezy but sunny and nice enough to wear a t-shirt.
87. Do you e-mail?
This has got to be the stupidest question I have ever responded to. Yes.
88. Last letter/piece of mail you received besides junk or a bill?
A completely awesome package from my boy Jason, who sent me the entire run of the X-Men comic book series on two DVDs. HELL YEAH.
89. Favorite store?
Can't say that I have one. Is Amazon.com a store?
90. What's your ideal car?
Something small to mid-size, that has good pickup.
91. Last voicemail you received?
Girlfriend. Yesterday. Nothing today.
92. Do you drunk dial?
Nope. Never seemed like a good idea and I'm rarely drunk, to boot.
93. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
Um, I dropped it once?
95. Favorite band?
I don't know if I have one right now. I like lots of what's out there these days.
96. Last time you were sick?
I don't get sick. For reals, yo.
97. Do you dance?
What I do, they do not call dancing, because it would be a travesty to put it into words as simple as that. Simply put: I exist, therefore there is music. Wrap your brain around THAT.
98. Last concert you went to?
Haven't the slightest. That saddens me greatly.
99. Ready for the weekend?
Yes. Now I'm even sadder. The weekend is 5 days away.
100. What did you do last night?
Watched a movie (Cowgirls, see above) and some of SNL. Weekend Update was pretty funny.
Well that's that. If you made it down here, you need to go ask your boss for some more work because damn, son. I can't believe the show I'm not downloading because it's wrong to do that, isn't done yet. I don't want to stay up till 1...
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