Economic Apocalypses Are Boring

So, do we have a plan B?

Clearly my boned statement from a few weeks back was accurate, although at the time I meant McCain was boned.

But Shock of Shocks, people, the bailout may not work! In fact, Wall Street lost more money than the entire liquid value of the bailout before I got out of bed today!

I won't subject you to another poorly-thought-out rant on economic policies, mostly because I don't have it in me. Because it's so boring to lose your life's savings this way. I expect that we will eventually rebound and the economy will be fine, but mostly I'm hoping this isn't the End of It All because what a lame way to go down. There are so many better dystopian near-futures we could have!

The Planet Runs Dry of Oil - Mad Max covered this nicely, at least if you're an Aussie. It's unclear how the massive fuel shortage effected the U.S. during the events of The Road Warrior, but if the movie is any indicator, we'll wear lots of football gear, be into punk rock, and maybe be a little gay.

The Planet Runs a Little Hot - We could go the opposite route, and melt the polar icecaps. Less desert, more coastline. Except the coastline will be in Ohio. That would necessitate a mass migration, it would probably happen slowly enough to limit the loss of life, but the potential for starvation would be significant. Now, I'm not advocating for this at all, but that there's a doomsday scenario you can hang your hat on. Also, I could stop paying off my student loans.

The Planet Gets a Little Exploded - Asteroids are the heavy hitters of doomsday devices. We can't really see them coming--at least, not with enough time to actually do anything about it--and they can conceivably wipe out the whole planet. This is less fun for futuristic dystopia reasons, because a wiped planet means no people to be all anarchistic and cyberpunked. Let's just watch Deep Impact again and pray for a President as awesome as Morgan Freeman.