I stole this from my cousin’s Myspace. Normally I would only steal a meme from Kim, because she’s pretty good at sorting out the crappy or idiotic ones. But I like this because it lets me flex my legal muscles.
You’re supposed to say “guilty” or “innocent”, but given those particular choices I may have to object or plead insanity a few times.
1. Dated outside your race?
Guilty. Easy to do when you’re The Man.
2. Gotten a hickey?
Guilty? I don’t recall but I bet I have. Damn wimmins.
3. Dated your best friend?
Objection as to form; vague and ambiguous. Were we friends prior to dating? As dating progressed? After dating? All have different answers.
4. Sang in the shower?
Guilty as hell. My voice is AWESOME.
5. Spit in someone's drink?
Happy to be innocent of this one.
6. Opened your Christmas presents early?
“Not Guilty” on a technicality. If it’s not wrapped yet, how can I open it?
7. Got into a fight at school?
Objection, vague and ambiguous. Assumes facts not in evidence. What school? Verbal or physical? Was I a key participant or a bystander that stepped in to prevent harm?
8. Lied to a friend?
Hell yeah I’m guilty. My friends get uppity sometimes.
9. Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?
I never counted. All the way through? Probably innocent. But in parts, completely guilty because Goonies rocks.
10. Had more than five REAL bf/gfs
Innocent by virtue of the fact that I’ve been stingy with that particular label.
11. Been arrested?
In-no-cent.
12. Ran through the sprinklers naked?
Not in the last 20 years. Innocent by statute of limitations.
13. Ate food that fell on the floor?
Guilty.
14. Went outside naked?
Objection, vague and ambiguous. The question is framed so that if one exits an indoor setting without clothes, they must answer in the affirmative. However, if one disrobes after entering an outdoor area, the response would be negative.
15. Been on stage?
Guilty, if by stage you mean any raised area on which performances are given. Still guilty if the question is assuming your presence occurred while participating in a performance before a live audience, although this question is poorly framed.
16. Made someone cry?
Guilty, via both physical and emotional pain. The ladies only get the latter.
17. Fooled around with somebody way older?
Objection as to the term “way older”. I cannot answer this.
18. Been in a school play?
Objection as to the term “in”. I have participated in school productions of dramatic works; however I was not a performer.
19. Drank beer?
Seriously? Guilty because I’m not Amish.
20. Gotten detention?
Guilty (see above response to No. 7)
21. Been suspended from school?
Innocent.
22. Been on a cruise?
Guilty.
23. Broken into a house?
Guilty but, like my cousin, it doesn’t count. It was my own house.
24. Gotten a tattoo?
Innocent. Guilty but for lack of a creative spark at the right time.
25. Gotten piercings?
Innocent. My dad’s got that covered just fine.
26. Cried so hard you threw up?
Innocent. Do people do that?
27. Gotten into a shouting match?
Hella guilty. I shout when angry.
28. Been skinny dipping?
Innocent, with unfortunately no exceptions.
29. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose.
Guilty. Who hasn’t done this? You suck.
30. Laughed so hard it hurt?
Totally guilty.
31. Tripped on your own feet?
Guilty on repeated occasions. I am a serial-killer when it comes to this one. Stupid limbs.
32. Cried yourself to sleep?
Innocent. I once woke up crying, though.
33. Cried in public?
Innocent as far as I know.
34. Thrown up in public?
Guilty if by “in public” one assumes that even a single-occupant restroom in a publicly-accessible location is still “public”.
35. Lied to your parents?
Guilty at some point in the past. I don’t believe there are any currently-running lies, though.
36. Skipped class?
I've skipped a whole WEEK of class. Guilty!
37. Slept in class?
Probably guilty. Once I passed out in class, but I don’t think that counts. I was only out for 4 or 5 seconds.
Huzzah! No insanity defense necessary. My life has been boring, yo.
November 7, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
For me the answers were more entertaining than the questions. Hooray legalese!
I remember #37
I am totally copping out by writing memes these days, but it's fun for me. Glad it's entertaining to at least one of you out there!
And yeah, #37 is what I point to when I say that my Computer Science major really tried to kill me.
I may actually steal this one from you. Shocking. :-P
Post a Comment